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2009-12-12T17:55:00.002+08:00

omg they let me access!

http://www.thisiscassie.livejournal.com

shifted!

2009-09-13T21:42:00.002+08:00

when i tried accessing my laptop with the fingerprint suite, it didnt want to let me through cause my blazing 39.4 fingers were too hot.

the worst thing about being sick,
is having, and goddamnit WANTING, to force yourself into believing you arent.

life is tough.

2009-07-16T22:34:00.003+08:00

i cant stand it when all the ee-eff-eff-oh-are-tee goes down the drain.
you know, ive never used the term before,
but this, THIS,
is a FML moment.

WHAT?!

2009-07-13T20:59:00.002+08:00

when the doctor suggested he prescibe me some tranquilisers,
i knew id gone wrong somewhere.
but then again its not like i didnt know it wasnt coming.

History

2009-07-11T22:55:00.002+08:00

is a boring subject. time and again, in all aspects.
who wants to be haunted with it after facing that daunting task of finally letting something go and be?
and then again i suppose its how LIFE keeps going, taunting us to keep its entertainment level high enough to ensure its continuity.
but its boring, and its sickening, yet its so inevitable.

IDEALISM
doesnt exist in the world.
or so ive been told many times.
well, why not?
'because in this world, there's no such thing as meritocracy, equality, and fairness.'
yeah,
its about the people you know, the people you grew up with, the people your parents expose you to, yours and their ability to pull as many strings as they can.
its never about being smart, compassionate and hardworking.

elitism is disgusting from the outside, hell yeah, yet when you finally break into that circle, nobody ever has any intention to come out of it.

there's something terribly wrong with this world, and what makes it worse, is that im too insignificant, too unimporatant, and i dont hang out with the rich and famous to make a noticeable difference at all.
WHY, can i ask, is life just SHIT.

The Show - Lenka

2009-07-01T23:16:00.003+08:00

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone I've tried, but I don't know why

Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
Cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool out of love
Cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone I've tried, but I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know, I've got to let it go

And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot in the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs
And syncronize in time
It's a joke, nobody knows
They got a ticket to the show
Yeah

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone I've tried, and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know, I've got to let it go

And just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone I've tried, but I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know, I've got to let it go

And just enjoy the show

Dum De Dum, Duh Dum De Dum
Just enjoy the show
Duh Dum De Dum, Duh Dum De Dum
Just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back

Just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back

Just enjoy the show

and what happens if the show turned out horribly wrong?
the uncertainties are killing me,
and i AM scared.

when you try to study, and nothing goes in.

2009-06-24T23:41:00.002+08:00

confidence is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

grass is always greener on the other side, because it has more shit on it.

and free assessments are never accurate.
you even gotta PAY for a levels damnit.

since when was a fat woman ever considered hot?

2009-06-17T22:48:00.002+08:00

fuck it.
so freakin ridiculous.
stop lying to all the lovely women out there okay.

a weekend of love.

2009-06-07T23:40:00.003+08:00

canon EOS 5D ZOMG.

corde spilling the drinks all over her. CLASSIC i tell you.my bunny sisters and best friends. :D
i look so. siwen in this photo :Dand this is pretty pretty. (: our beng with his left side earring. :D

and this was completey unplanned, of which facial expressions turned out to be completely symmetrical! the family of 08/09.

this song has overwhelmed me once again.

Father I Thank You

Father, I thank You, for all that You’ve done
You gave Your Son freely for me
And I praise You for calling me, drawing me near
Out of blindness You caused me to see

Spirit of life, You are God's holy fire
You've kindled my heart with Your blaze
And I know You're refining me, changing my life
And by faith You're revealing Your ways

Jesus I need You, as Lord of my life
I give all I have unto You
Lord I want to come under Your heavenly hand
And to praise You In all that I do

have a good week ahead loves.

DID YOU KNOW?

2009-05-31T22:15:00.005+08:00

that this post would come straight after entry 200?
that the previous pot was technically 4 days late?

that it summarises my week in pictures?

that it is being posted when blogger here has sunburns all over her?

that blogger typing this has changed her blog's main picture?

im sure you didnt, so im telling you now. (:

Entry 200: what happens to the extent of questions that demand absolute answers?

2009-05-27T23:27:00.005+08:00

through this whole long, tedious, energy-draining week, one word pulled me through.
AGAPE.
for no apparent reason at all, out of the blue, and completely not within context, this, WORD (i dont think it should be degraded to a mere word, its more like an emotion, a whole new inspirational being) kept filling me up.
how unselfish, how undeterred by societal views, how BIG, and how unconditional.
there isnt a way in which i see myself ever ever achieving that.
a love so non judgemental, unaccusing.loving, purely BECAUSE you love.

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

as much as people say, yes, im willing to die for you, how often do they truly understand the full weight of that? more often than not, how many DO say that in the first place.
without a doubt, i can say i love my friends. they are so important in so many ways. awesome support bases, people to go crazy and wacky with and study pals. but when asked for these major sacrifices, i may just get cold feet all over.

im very lucky.oh so lucky, that i have someone, some GREAT BEING, that LOVES me, so so so much more than a friend can.someone i can trust in completely, someone who will always be listening.fortunate enough, for me to take it all for granted every so often.
and so this week, when i thought about agape, it made me realise why i shouldnt dwell on things that meant so little in the great scheme of things.

having our last official training, didnt exactly produce an ending bang i was so desperate for to happen. ill save details for another post when i make a full dedication to these people who have been the core of my 2 years, but today made me realise how much sweat all of us have contributed, and as cliche as it sounds, to look how far we've come and achieved.and YOU guys know exactly what im talking about.though the school may go bitch and procrastinate, we KNOW.

this term has passed faster than ever, seeing what my family has come to saddens me, and watching my schoolwork deteriorate just the same doesnt make it any easier coming to terms with.sometimes i just dont know what they want, and now even what I want anymore, my life is becoming a playboard for others to throw a dice and move wherever they want.
but He'll help me through this.
1 Corinthians 13:12
Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
He has a plan for me.

this week has had its funny share of people.
MR TAN and his ultra super cute (and lousy) pronounciation:

tam fries (time flies)
mitsabeeshee cahs (mitsubishi cars)
exorcist events (exhaustive events)
sadistics (statistics)

and there's more.

this week has also had its moments of pure surprise, and pleasantness.
and i thank Him for that.for being with me every step of the way.
through the 10 ARDUOUS (seriously man) kilometres at changi point, and up two walls, never failing to provide me with energy and strength, confidence, determination and a thirst to prove myself.

my friends who have been my most ardent supporters through the whole messy parents issue, the endless competitions during the month, and study buddies. i see so much of God in all of you, and i thank you for that.

today hanz was having a heated discussion with moses about free will. and i was in the mrt, and i thought to myself, that i dont want to try and understand God, because knowing that He loves me unconditionally ~~should be~~ IS more than enough.

this concludes post 200 friends.
XOXOXO

this is post 199.(:

2009-05-21T22:50:00.007+08:00

i dont want to blog two day in a row, but.

i have finally figured out how to save my screen.THANKEW.

me likey this one. its cooooooool. and it was a nice route to climb.

sums names this ANTICIPATION. i like the angle.

constipation sial.
spatula did it! (:

the boys have surprisingly more facial expressions than the girls.

X I

: 0

-0-

my brudda looking more like a kingkong than ever. XE

tomorrow is GIRLS SOCCER FINALS VS VJC ZOMG and i am freakin out.GO GIRLFRIEND!

i tried studying today, and ended up doing a ridiculously pathetic amount of math.
actually i think puttin up so many pictures spoil the effect, but i dont want to blog everyday.

ogay im going to sleep now im dinner-ing with SPOONZ tomorrow, and im seeing my SECRETHANDSHAKEPARTNER and GOHSERYANG on saturdayyyyyyyyyy!yummymummy.

nightieswaighties.

OH OH OH! photos courtesy of sumsng.

hi sums. (: i hope this shows enough face.

2009-05-20T23:07:00.007+08:00

win.

it was an amazing weekend.

sums you are keeping me awake you lousy boy.
goodnight, ill post up your photos soon. :D

2009-05-16T22:28:00.003+08:00

i am freakin freaking scared now, i swear i can almost pee in my pants.

but no.

i've come a long way from one year ago, and whatever happens tomorrow,

it doesnt matter cassie.

im leaving it all up to Him, and letting Him decide.

allez.

maybe this can become a weekly routine.

2009-05-10T16:25:00.006+08:00

i slept alot this week, because i kept getting woken up by the lightning and thunder at 2 in the morning. then i would just sit in bed and try not to feel scared, and erasing all the deja vu moments out of my mind, and willing for them to just leave me alone.
ugly pimple. XP
the last of the ponytail. for now. i am NOT a trex. i think.

finally.

the week has had it moments of joy, tears and screams(ahem), but its really missing out somethin important: my mum.
admidst all thats been going on, i think im losing her.

so many times people think life is so superficial. thats its really so easy to see through and that they think they actually get it.
if you could see through it, why still call it a facade?
if what you see really was what you got, actors and actresses would lose their jobs.
and id be the happiest person alive.
but no.that never is the case.

this is how my upcoming week will be like.

kaboom.

welcome to my life.

ask me.

2009-05-03T16:41:00.003+08:00

a pretty (,) dirty weekend.

xoxos.

what's left of the broken pieces?

2009-04-20T19:15:00.001+08:00

and i keep on waiting,
waiting on the world to change.

and what do you do when it all comes down to this?

2009-04-11T10:04:00.002+08:00

you wouldnt want me to be your girlfriend because id be the worst of its kind.
so how about just removing me from your mind entirely?
because you wont stand a chance.

zomg zomg zomg zomg zomg.

2009-04-09T22:10:00.002+08:00

first place!
((:
i totally lovelovelovelovelovelovelove you guys to the core.

shutup about pw i dont wanna hear about it.):

gosh i really miss you, sucker. ):

2009-04-04T21:53:00.013+08:00

so how do you like my new look?

2009-04-03T23:45:00.002+08:00

these are the people who 1) end my blog strike and get me blogging again, 2) make me miss them so much my stomach hurts more than it already does, 3) make my life so absolutely wonderful.(:

absolutey AWESOME people.

and now that its term 2, everything seems to have sped up and slowed down.
with bt1 freshly out of the mind, this short breather has made me realise all the things i had missed out on during the mad rush. the beauty of how things work out unexpectedly and just seemingly fall into place without you doing anything.
dont you get that feeling?
that something,SOMEONE,is just pulling you and guiding you.its amazing.(:

my inspiration this week, has been to FOLLOW YOUR HEART.i realise that people dont always do this out of fear, we fear ourselves and our decisions, but it gets easier once you believe.

and this stood out too:
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
Psalm 91:1,2

cassie.

2009-02-18T21:51:00.003+08:00

its not that im upset or stressed(maybe, just maybe) ~~or very pekchek~~,
but im just too too tired.and fucking up every single thing.
- to continue the we're-all-high-and-happy-people!-lets-dance-and-sing! facade.
- to mug. ):
- to care what the shit you think of me.
so dont fret my friend.

but i dont know man. because i know that He loves me, only i cant seem to feel it right now. but its okay. because i believe He knows what He's doing, and something good will come out of this. and i'll wait for the silver lining which will have to show itself sooner or later.

God gives you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

and in this short 17 years of my life this promise has never failed or gone back on its word.
the power of Your love.(:

cassie.

2009-02-15T21:35:00.002+08:00

that warm warm fuzzy feeling.
that youre being understood.
and having whatever youre thinking being said out by the other party without prompting.

im not sorry you went through it.
thank you!(:

2009-02-14T22:09:00.003+08:00

MY CAT GETS SEXUALLY AROUSED SO EASILY! x/
sheesh.
daddy thinks its either she was sexually abused by her dad before we adopted her, or she's wayyy too deprived.
-sneaking out in the middle of the night to flirt with all the other neighbourhood cats
-getting into her *ahem* mating position when you just stroke her.
my cat the sex maniac.
))))))):

today was awesome, went out with goh in the morning. sitting in yamaha with him drumming and i trying to keep up with the guitar, our failed attempt at crashing TheWeddingGame, him getting his very own pair of kinky socks.prata.big guy feet in women heels.lilies.((:
then the whole parent issue.=P
then yc session.felt good to be back after like one month,what with the stupid flu and french comp and cny.
and we had mexican for dinner.
MEXICAN!
love you lots heh.

happy st. valentine's day!

toothpick.

2009-02-07T21:09:00.003+08:00

the great thing about being sick is that it dulls the senses, so all my emotions and the whole big obsession just fades, if not totally then partially.

at least it takes some longing away.

2009-02-06T23:02:00.003+08:00

im happy today because
1. i red-pointed 2 6Bs today.and i did my 6B+.
2. i passed gp paper 2.
3. of you.
simply.

i dont like speed-climbing.
and im sorry for injuring so many people today.
):

and whats the freaking point of putting bio so early on a saturday morning itll spoil my sleep cycle.SIGH.

TOOTHPICK.
loves her spoon and ~~fork~~ spatula.

2009-02-03T21:49:00.002+08:00

im not blogging because im still waiting for my irrational instinct to take over.
being so calculative and careful has become my horrible vice i dont really know how to have fun anymore.

and yes, im still waiting for you to find your senses.please dont take too long because its breaking my heart.and its not that i dont care or dont want to care or refuse to do anything about it but i cant help you if you dont want to help yourself is it really that difficult why dont you say it straight to my face i need you to wake up and face it already i miss you you know everyone just totally cannot bear to see you like this and youre making it worse its like dumping one tonne of salt onto the open infected wound i dont know why im doing this but you have to know and you have to listen and i know i said to call me when youre ready but please dont keep this up the suspense is killing me and i love you so please dont do this to me i know im making it sound like its the most important reason on earth and that its even big and good and satisfying enough to make you drop this whole thing well i know its not but i dont know how else i can get back the boy i love.

i want you back.the real you.

cassie.

2009-01-25T23:12:00.002+08:00

after wantonmee-ing yesterday night, my dad asked if we wanted to see anything.
and i dont know why, but i guess i just felt like it, i said
prostitutes.
and he said okay.

so we were driving around geylang,
and some of them are like, HOT.
spicy hot.

and we got onto the topic of how much money hotel81 earns a day, in CASH.
anyone who THINKS they know, please leave a tag.
and im telling you, i can assure you NONE of you will get it correct.

toothpick.

oh yes, happy cny.(:

2009-01-16T22:21:00.003+08:00

you know how life justs zooms past the older you get?
that its passing by so quickly now just scares me further, will it speed up when i hit 20, 30, 40.
if i even reach there.
because then again, it could just end like that.
*snap*

i dont know if ill end up taking medicine.
i dont know if ill be in singapore in one half years time.
i dont know if ill ever become what i wanna be.
i dont know if ill be successful.
i dont know if ill ever get married.
i dont know if ill ever have kids.
i dont know.

so.
as coach says,
when life gives you lemons,we make lemonade.
and if they decide to give us oranges, we make orange juice.

i live only once for goodness sake.
i wanna be irrational for once.
ive always done my utmost to be careful, being afraid of falling.
i guess thats good, but im starting to think im missing out on all the fun.
i want to do totally weird, crazy, bizzare, physically, mentally and heart breakingly mad stuff.
anything i never dared to do.
-the jumping-across-hdb-roofs sport
-travel the world to climb (just like ben)
-fail ALL my exams.thatd be interesting.(but of course having to suffer awfully AWFUL consequences)
-eat 3 tubs of ice cream
-let myself become a dumb brown-haired girl, then maybe let myself get swept off my feet by some handsome dude who flirts around with other girls.HA.(as if thats ever gonna happen)
-not have pride and ego, for once.

converses just became my favourite footwear.
its fun trying to talk to you. ((: you make life ever the interesting. and i see you like challenges too, you little monkey.

toothpick.

2009-01-08T19:32:00.003+08:00

i dont want to update.
theres nothing great about anything now.
so.

what does it take to sacrifice the howeeeeeeebel pain for that one sport you so love?
this is what i think you will say.<<
what does it take to let everyone down one by one, slowly.and you're the last?HA.
what does it take to have discipline, committment, willpower, strength?to say yes, no and leave me alone.
what does it take to tell them the truth?
what does it take to make yourself feel better and yet not do it the way its supposed to make you feel better?because thats not how i want it to go.
what does it take for someone like you to understand what im going through?

because the answer was none at all from the start.my dear boy, you didnt realise.and that was a horribly stupid STUPID thing to do.

2009-01-01T14:57:00.002+08:00

hello lovely readers.
with all the shit 2008 brought, also came laughs, love and new lives.
not exactly a fantastic year, but hopefully 2009 is better.

happy new year. (:

LOVEcassie.
being in a somber mood on newyearsday wasnt how i planned it but ohwells.

2008-12-02T17:42:00.001+08:00

and just think, in few days im going to get away from..

ALL THIS.

and you, and you and especially you.

time to clear out the brainshit thats dangling about.
time to make you all disappear from my sight and mind, hopefully forever so the heartache isnt so bad.

2008-11-24T21:14:00.002+08:00

apart from laziness, and the fact that my internet connection is going haywire,
the only thing thats keeping my blog so dead is
HUI HUI SYNDROME.

the last few weeks of idling and somewhat consultations is getting me all confused about what i am, what i want and what to do.i need to think harder, abit, no, alot, more.
you know how sometimes you realise youre so insignificant in the whole big picture?its just one of those things i guess.

i type and delete, not because im thinking if i want to show this to anyone, but because i dont know what im really feeling.its fustrating, sometimes you just want to tell yourself MAKE UP YOUR MIND CASSIE or to shut down your brain and just take a good long sleep. only of course my darn body(and schedule, AMAZINGLY, isnt it supposed to be holidays now? and i still find myself busy enough to lose sleep) wont permit me to.

just yesterday, the realisation suddenly and FINALLY kicked in: i dont have a Plan B for my future. im just so driven by this, and now i realise one doesnt always get what he or she wants. then what? fall into this deep pit and die? i need a backup plan, but im too stupid,stubborn and dumb enough to not create one.

toothpick.

2008-11-13T21:39:00.001+08:00

MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE A POODLE.

but i sort of like it, somewhat.

maybe its true what my mum says, maybe i'll learn to become a better lady HA.

AND MY TRIP GOT CANCELLED!!!!!!!! X/

2008-11-10T23:15:00.001+08:00

i am so so, totally, ultimately, in love with edward cullen.
=X
darn it la, i thought it was wrong to fall in love with fictional charaters. =/

2008-11-07T21:56:00.003+08:00

yeah it isnt your fault.
its never the little fucktard's fault.
why blame you right?
go do your stupid little things
in your own fucking significant life.

you small assed bastard.
we dont make arrangements for nothing.eath
unlike you, we have goals to achieve okay.

trying to be nice is like..!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@!@#$%^&*()
why?
cause some bitch decides to be the one who decides.
the one who freakin lags and changes his mind at his every whim and fancy.
i dunno man.
its just sometimes you piss me off sooo fucking badly i feel im such a moron ever being friends with you.

breathe cassie.
He keeps telling me,
"Love your neighbour as yourself."
why is it so frickin hard!
what a wondrous thing jealously can do eh?
URGH.
i really dont want this, not now.
just go ahead, and
SPOIL the mood.

its amazing how people change.
no matter how slow, they do eventually.
take my use of language for example.
in primary school, the phrase 'I SWEAR IM....'
would cause me near-suspension.
not that i ever used it because i was too much of a coward and too much of a guai freak to do anything i deemed stupid and dumb.

secondary school eased up abit.
but cursing was like.
TABOO. BAD OMEN. AVOID AT ALL COSTS. DISGUSTING. SICK.

and now.
what exactly have i become?
a barbarian? slut? bitch?
i dunno.say whatever you want, because all of this, THIS, has made me immune to whatever shit you want to throw at me.

being a toilet bowl is fucking fun, you wanna try it sometime?
maybe then youll know how i feel huh.

2008-11-05T16:09:00.002+08:00

so i havent blogged for very long, because i think no post could ever top the previous one.(:

then daryl tagged me so here i am.again.
=D

Name 20 people you can think of right now:
1. ivy
2. rebecca
3. dawn
4. timo
5. kenneth
6. ce
7. ryan neo
8. ryan goh
9. chermain
10. jo
11. chris lindner
12. nathanael
13. huihui
14. daryl
15. daniel
16. brendan
17. nicholas ng
18. diana
19. john
20. paddy

How did you meet #4? timo.
rockclimbing! and s19.((: my wonderful rock captain and class v.c.

What would you be if u never met #1? ivy.
wah.totally different person man.like, no highness.this girl is violent and cute and adorable and sweet,ill be a wreck without her.

What if #9 and #20 dated? chermain and paddy
3 reasons why this wont work.
1. chermain has only chris lindner on her mind.
2. my cousin lives in aussie land.
3. he already has a girlfriend.
but if it did.. nadia would kill him xDD

Describe #3. dawn.
short. fatty thighs and hands.tao suan.climbon.s13.funny.A-ttractive.shopping.fork.big eyes.double chin.mama.one of my weirdest friends ever.

Is #8 attractive? ryan goh.
totally man.(:
watch out cousin!=p

Describe #7 ryan neo.
LAMEEEE.funny.floorball.zj.mattress surfing.ice cream.i am.....dont like his boss.long long msn nicks.always super high like me!gege.sweet.(:

What would you do if #18 confesses to you that she likes you? diana.
erm.laugh.cause she already has her lover who will come hamtam me.xD

What language does #15 speak? daniel
good question.me and him dot click alot of times sometimes he speaks tamil, icelandish speak, french.oh.and computer speak.

Who is #9 going out with? Chermain
in her mind, its chris lindner.((:

How old is #16? brendan
a year older.soo.18?

When is the last time you spoke to #13? huihui.
yesterday during op!
'how can we be so sure that WE, A MEREEEEE group of FOURRRRR 17 yr olds...'
heh.

Who is #2's fav. band/singer? rebecca.
erm.not sure.
boys like girls?
click5?
i know whats her favourite animal is though.it lives in the sea and has sharp teeth.

Would you ever date #4? timo.
ehh.depends on the situation?

Would you date #1? ivy.
if i ever become a lesbian, she'll be one of the first few id like to date.heh

Is #19 single? john.
erm.genevieveeeeeeeeee.=DD

What is #10 last name? jo.
xiao wen.but its not nice to hear just the last name.the whole nameis nicer.
michelle nicole melanie jolena ang xiao wen!

Would you ever be in a relationship with #11? chris lindner
sure, anytime i and him are single and available.
ooh haha.
only chermain would be so sad..

School of #3? dawn.
.egelloc roinuj swerdna ts
and the school of queen cassie toothpick.

Where does #6 live? ce.
if im not wrong..
its thompson right????

What is your favourite thing about #5? kenneth.
hes responsible.
and takes good care of becca.(:

Would you think of killing #14? daryl.
uhh.
im trying to learn God's perichoretic dance steps.
so no killing for me.(:

Tag 5 peopleI would like to tag....
ivy.
rebecca.
ryan neo.
ce.
ryan goh.

2008-10-26T21:37:00.004+08:00

what do i say?

absolutely fantastic.
spiritually revitalising.
completely completely out of this world.

i dont know how i can write about something, describe something,
that totally cannot be written down. something soo..
soo THERE in its own self, so existent so..WHOLE.

there's so many times i wondered why i became a Catholic.
and knowing that its because God loves,
just, well, ROCKS i guess. (:
the beautiful perichoretic dance just wont get off my head.
just as how He DIED, just so we could share these amazing steps, and dance in line together with him.
and what makes us soo deserving of that?
what makes us so special?
we're just sinful beings, no?

agape.

the marvellous 3-in-1.
i never made the connection.
why 31 was always my favourite number.
till now. because it just joined up everything that made me.created me.shaped me.
everything that was, and is, me.

the Holy Trinity. Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
Love comprising of eros, agape, philia.
the mandala.three circles combined to form one beautiful symbol.
acts of charity.caritas. sharing the fruits of the Spirit, through service, through acceptance.

doesnt help that coffee and tea is also three in one eh? (:
and my og.guess the number? (:

the stalk of wheat as the Catholic Church.
the stem as our faith.
the wheat grains as our community.
occasionally one or two fall away, but the rest still remain.thinly, yet strongly attached.
all of us can contribute to the bountiful harvest. but one alone does not much.we need to stand, strong, and let His love come through us and show everyone else how Great is our God.
the stem so fragile. so dry. so easy to bend and break under pressure. and that instant could mean the end.
we need to thicken the stem.make it stronger.more resilient.may we sway but never break.

as edwina recalled a story, it just seemed so.
surreal and amazing, how we humans can remain so blind and so deaf to God's message and his never-leaving protection. how his loving us keeps us so safe from harm, and we just keep pulling away from his embrace.
"if God had a smell, what would it be?"
who knew the longkang would play such an important role?

upon hearing the words
'semi-silent retreat'.
my mouth literally droppd open.
yeah sure, as if i was gonna keep quiet for THAT long, ha what a joke.

but those 3 days were absolutely indescribable.
i never took the time to listen, and when i finally did, i felt His presence.all around.
to be thinking with your heart and trying to hear it speak was no easy task, but when it did happen, it was unimaginable.
completely weird, strange, and nonconforming to today's society.HEH.
but still perfect.

moving back into the real world's gonna be so difficult now.

breathing in, i feel Your presence.
breathing out, you inhale my neagative thoughts, fears and insecurities.
i am ALIVE.
You are here.
in mind, spirit, soul, heart.
being in Your presence as i sleep,
and being in Your presence as i wake.
completely aware of what i'm sitting on,
pressing on.
You are here with me.

somehow, right now, it feels appropriate to end off with,
God love you all.
haha.

love, toothpick.

after so much, im not even done recounting 5% of the experience.

2008-10-23T21:45:00.002+08:00

17
i overdid it.
and caused them to go so bad they didnt want to move till four days later.
..................................

18
oh god,
he was late.
AGAIN.
i got fed too much i think, it was just.
food after food after food.but nice food.
ha.

she started to get sooo soo pissed.
................................

19
it was a perfect day.
there was the whole sneezing bit,
but i liked whacking it all out.
and YOU made it all worth it anyway.

and that maddahfarka.
had to come spoil it all.
with that whole big bouquet.
not like i needed it.
or the laughing, for any matter.
................................

20
there was genuine laughter.
and genuine smiles.
and i wonder if thats all it meant.
just, you know,
friends.

he just kept staring.
so intently.
and it wasnt just him.
but why???
...................................

21
dread dread dread.
i thought it was today.

she hates me i swear.
but thats fine, im not that fond of her anyway.
.................................

22
tiramisu.
it was TODAY.
not good man.

finally! something productive.
i guess it wasnt so wrong to begin with.
to fall in love with.
to just do it even though it is aching.
...............................

23
she was SOO SOO pissed.
and i was getting kinda frustrated myself.
not that anyone could blame her.
she was sick and we kept delaying.
tuo ah tuo ah tuo ah.
sighh.

sometimes it sucks being middle man.
and i do love all the action.
but its just wrong.
WRONG i tell you.
makes my hair stand, my heart warm, my face scrunch up in a tight smile, the vomit at my throat, and the shattering of the rest of me, all at the same time.

i miss jo.):

toothpick.

2008-10-16T22:18:00.001+08:00

dont think about promos, dont think about promos, dont think about promos.

CHINESE.
i am going to start working.
very hard.
after this im going to complete the essay i told lao shi i would try to do.
really.
she's so perfect.
CLIMBON!.
i am going to start training.
very hard.
after today im going to make sure my strength is back to batu caves standard.
or better!
and it's not that i dont like green.
PW.
i am going to finish my op.
and do a fantastic job.
and not let my mates down.
but sometimes, the eye itches for no reason..
I&R.
my second draft is coming.
wait and see.
what is WRONG with me???
one thing.
why does MS YE have to leave?!
to just let us further indulge and soak in all this emo-ness.while we wallow in self-pity at our current plight.how many times have we changed tutors already?

2008-10-16T21:57:00.002+08:00

OHMYGOODNESSSSSSSSSSSSS.

michelle nicole melanie jolena ang xiao wen,
YOU,
are.
are..

UNBELIEVABLE!

i suppose i did okay too.
definitely better.
(((((((((((:

my lovely princess,
this post is dedicated to you haha!

QUEEN TOOTHPICK!
* i am having this tendency of addressing myself as queen too often. :P

2008-10-13T20:55:00.003+08:00

when she came today,
i took a look at my month due report card for grade 6 practical.
and upon seeing the comments for my pieces,
i laughed.

piece B2:
though you played mostly fluently, the tempo was a tad slow and there were technical unease (HAHA YEAH I WAS DYING WITH THOSE PARTS MAN!) appearing in the R.H. parallel 3rd and 6th figures.
(i have no idea what that meant anyway.)

sight reading:
though a slowish tempo, the reading was commendably accurate in both pitches and rhythm.
(accurate my foot! i think he forgot that i went one octave higher.HA.)

i seem to be playing slow for everything.heh.
okay la, those were the funnier ones.

i dont know why people have to be so hypocritical.
because this isnt the first time it happened with another person.
dont just say that you believed in me just because i already did it.
it was in primary 6, and it HURT.
and now you trying to repeat history for me?
thanks, but no thanks.
i dont need false after-belief, just stick your very first view from the beginning bitch.

i had freakin cramps till 4pm today.which suddenly stopped during econs.
yeah.
today was..
a not so good day for me.

today, i so happened to turn to a page of the bible.
and right there, it said:
Look at me, O Lord my God, and answer me.
Restore my strength; don't let me die.
Don't let my enemies say, "We have defeated him."
Don't let them gloat over my downfall.
--Psalms 13:3-4

sometimes the tough comes along,
and people.,
DETRACTORS,
just keep wanting to pull you down.
but you just gotta be strong.
hold on.
because He will give you strength when you need it most,
warmth when you fear the most,
calm when you hate the most,
and, i like this one ((: ,
a fan when youre the most angry.

with Him around, you won't fall.
believe me.
this was for you.(:

toothpick

2008-10-11T22:29:00.001+08:00

i am SO sick of playing this stupid, mindless, childish game.

and you may even be a part of it all.

2008-10-10T22:23:00.003+08:00

foober is my favourite.
but cheng cheng is around when i wanna cheng around most.
and foopick is adorable and holds dear memories cause it was the first name i ever gave.(:
all 3 are so lovely!

how could i have been so selfish.
when all you wanted was just one thing from the very start.

it was a good day.
im the class's mao mi.
haha xD.
okay and i feel kinda guilty just slacking around doing everything except pw while wl is there typing furiously away.
so when he started heart-ing, i didnt fee so bad afterthat. xDD
(since i was the one who asked to start OP today anyway.)

im sorry i havent been paying you any attention.
"pw.chinese.busy.competiton."
now i realise it was all bullshit to begin with.

theres finally yc tomorrow!
long long time
and sunday's gonna be out with the bunnies.
AWESOME.

because whatever happened, you were there as the glue.
while i just played around and didnt even bother,
and today when i found out about everything,
i realised what a BASTARD, ASSHOLE, BITCH, SELF-CENTRED IDIOT i was.

oh god im so sorry.
really sorry.
ultimately sorry.
sorry till i wanna wipe the entire backside of me.

i dont know how i ca pretend to type so normally, so happily when i feel so screwed up and guilty inside.
please dont stop loving me.

toothpick.

2008-10-08T22:35:00.002+08:00

this post is long overdue.

but.
can you imagine a world without RED?

no more love.
no more anger.
no more passion.
no more fiery-ness.
no more embarrassing moments.
no more blushing.
no more feeling hot.

no more rainbow.
no more roses.
no more daisies.
no more heart.
no more lips. (timo you are forbidden to laugh!)
no more sun.
no more fire.

no more orange.
no more brown.
no more pink.
no more purple.

no more red wallets.
red shoes.
red bedsheets.
red sofa.
red socks.
red specs.

no more chinese marriages.

no more santa claus.

no more singapore.

i love red.
and i guess it took just one thing to remind me why i did.

love, toothpick

2008-10-06T22:54:00.002+08:00

TAG REPLIES!

for some reason, i cant reply to tags on cbox now, so i guess i'll do it here.

JOLENA! duck got alot of (ms) du. HAHA. maybe i'll enroll in anger management thingys. xD

JEROME! they're not going away!!! )):

JINGYAN! i am not 100% fully recovered man. i think my bran still got something wrong heh.

RYAN! damn big deal la, i also went before, you don't come and keh kiang.

HUIHUI! haha maybe next time i'll come prepared with a full body-suited armour that is permeable to water but able to defend hard knocks by stupid black s28 boys. xDDD

ABEL! hahaha i never knew he could be so romantic. xD

TIMO! only this time we play among ourselves! and by theway right, where's the bird you wanted to catchh? im still waiting by the bbq pit okay. many days alr, im starving to death.

SAM! eeeeeeeee so gross man. ><

2008-10-04T22:48:00.000+08:00

IF I GET ANY PIMPLES ITS ALL THAT ASSHOLE'S FAULT BECAUSE HE SPIT INTO THE FREAKING WATER!

2008-10-04T18:22:00.003+08:00

water soccer is.
THE BOMB. *quote diana*
really.
well, maybe not the actual game itself,
but being there with your class to play.
and getting wet.
its like a mini swimming pool, only better cause its got squishy sides and two goal posts.
ahaha.
the handball at the end was BEST! but now that i think about it, handball you actually get to RUN with the ball. xDD

well, i had 2 presents to take home with me, not exactly pleasant but presents nonetheless.
a cut lip( which has DARNEDDDDDDDDD-edly become a HUGEEEEE LONGGGGGG ulcer spanding half the lower lift, as well as a scratch on the lower right eye.
you STUPID boy.
i dont like it,
when people get so engrossed in getting the ball into that empty guarded space.
when they forget the whole meaning of the game.
when they forget that a word called considerate exists. yeah, DOUBLE TRIPLE QUARDRUPLE emphasis on this!!
when they think that they are playing in a full sized soccer pitch and can whack the ball as hard as they want safely.
when they forget the meaning of fairplay and sportsmanship.
when they risk other people getting injured so as to enjoy the attention they would receive kicking the ball so hard.WOW, THATS JUAT AMAAAAZING. OMG SO STRONG! SO HOT! is that what you want us to say huh?
when they know that what they did is wrong, BUT STILL CONTINUE DOING IT SOME MORE!

i hated it.
it turned me off so bad, i just was absolutely positively FUMING.
and it wasnt just me either.

the seat thing in the bus was pure proof of his self-centredness.
you dont take a seat where people are already sitting if you come late.
i mean, they shouldnt be the ones squeezing for YOUR BLOODY IDIOTIC BUTT'S sake and have their bags and guitars STREWN with all your gross pespiration.and you chase them to the back of the bus where there's no more seats and make them sit at the bus door???
SUCK EGGS LA.

butt.. at least the captain's ball/handball made up for it.
its like, after 3 hours in hell, earth feels like heaven.
the (already gross because of SOMEONE'S SPIT!) water provided extra entertainment because 1. it meant less running around and 2. when people fell it went down with a big SPLOOOSSHHHHHH. totally awesome man.

and that yong pin right,
can you please wear tighter pants next time!
we dont want to see one LINE staring right into our faces can.
maybe next time you can bring a belt into the pool haha xDD

my lip hurts, and so does my eye.

i think i sort of got something on my wishlist.
i got a guitar.
OH WAH!
okay maybe not so.
haha. xD
its technically on loan to me till i get my own one.heh.
and i dunno what you would classify it under.
it looks smaller than the normal ones and lighter too.
and the sound stays on even for the lightest touch.
dont be so fussy toothpick at least you still have one

tonight the super trooper lights are gonna blind me...

toothpick.

2008-09-30T12:55:00.002+08:00

GUESS WHATS OVER???

stuff to do after promos:

get a new sock for my phone
outing with bunnymunch!
and my 3 hopies.(: we've got the mission thingy coming up.=D
get a guitar!
and a german piano!
go to the biennale. (only i cant today cause dumbo me just HAS to have food poisoning today.)
go ice skating.(:
go night cycling.
and have a sleepover.
go climbing with the rockers.veh veh soon.
and start training for ClimbOn.
baking/shopping with my cutlery family.
plan 08s19 outing.
plan 08s13 outing.
finish up eom.
and start on i&r.
and complete wr.
clan up my room.
buy more files.
and clothes, since i dont know when im gonna get the rest back.
sleep away the nautral eyeshadows.
meet up with tk gang.
buy shoes.
decorate my fan.
make sandwiches with alot of sand for my class.
visit dungeons with alot of dung.
go to toilets with alot of toys.
and eat strawberries with alot of straw.

okay the last four didnt make sense.or three, if yout take away the alot of sand bit.

mamma mia!, here i go again.
sometimes i think i can be so retarded.
stomach so pain alr can still joke until like that.

toothpick.

2008-09-21T18:54:00.002+08:00

since i havent been having depressing days of late,i suppose my brain decided on its own to have one today.
PROMOS are technically supposed to be the only thing in my mind right now,but unfortunately that really isnt the case.
and so,
i dont deny the fact that shit always comes at the worst of times.

..................................................................................

you know that sometimes it really makes me boil.
that you use me only when my services are required.
its funny how we used to be so close.
then you flared up and we hardly talk now.
and when people started to piss on you, i suddenly got all your blame and all your criticisms because stupid people actually still think we're close.
i tried so hard last time, and when i gave you up you suddenly wanted me back.
and not because you really wanted to too.
more like, utility.
well, not so easy sweetheart.
remember i became a bitch after you.

.........................................................................................

yeah so now she thinks im the maid in the home.
do this do that.
your brother has exams to study for.
your dad went fishing.
i need to fetch yor godma and godpa from the airport.
so please help out since youre so free.

yeah right,
free my ass.
im so free that my promos are only one day away,
im mugging my shit butt off so as to please you.

sometimes its not that youre that bad but you always seem to catch me in the worst of moods.

....................................................................

im sorry.
really i am.
i didnt mean to shout out, to exclaim,to otinue on about it.
i really didnt know.

ill call you.

toothpick.

2008-09-19T22:54:00.002+08:00

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT READ IF YOU DONT WANT TO CONFUSE YOURSELF.AND F YOURE SLEEPY.AND IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW IT ALL.(AND WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING. IF NOT YOULL BE DISAPPOINTED.)

today is a good day.
because i only had pe and bio lecture.
and how often does that happen man.
macs for lunch.timo,huihui,lois,gabs,daryl,wl,nicteo.
big group, but interesting lunch.
and guess who brought his guitar??
(:
so then while the boys went around picking locks,
me, nic ng kah shing and yihan had some fun with the strum-strum.

pe was rough,hot,but even so fun.
yes,fun. captains ball is a simple game, but never fails to uplift my spirits
we were all dying of heat stroke, but IT WAS OKAY!
now i have three big Bs on each foot.

*somethings wrong with my computer,whatever i type cant come out properly.*

something that made me laugh today:
huihui: aiyo my son so naughty ah!tsk tsk. X
jo: ya lor.you should go to your naughty corner.
timo: mm.yeah.go do some reflection.
cassie: then go stand in front of mirror?

another:
dawn: cassie can you like study? if not later retain. EH WAIT.i think just retain la.then join your eyecandy.he everyday play basketball never study,confirm retain one.
eunice: EH CAN YOU LIKE DONT MAKE FUN OF RETAINEES HUH? (she didnt do very well for common tests see?)

it doesnt sound so funny here...

okay.
so i stayed back to mug again ttoday.
and while waiting for my mum i sorta got chased out of the school with the security guard behind my back.then he slammed the main gate behind me.
"very late alr leh!"

so thrilling,being the last to leave school @10pm.
(another reason why i think im going crazy.being chased out of school can also be fun.sigh cassie sigh.)

my emo plans always turn out opposite la can??

is it just me or is the weather getting hotter by the day?

do you know that walking around the track can help you memorise stuff better?

and do you know how nice it is to sit and feel the wind,watch the sun set,mugging with your pals can be?

i feel tired yet rejuvenated(by the mugging maybe,HAH).
i feel emo-ed yet glad.
i feel like i havent done enough but yet i still feel satisfied.

DONG DONG DONG.

love,toothpick

2008-09-17T22:16:00.003+08:00

what day and date is it today again?
i forgot.
post-tauhuey memory loss. AHHH NOO. xD

i am having SOO much fun mugging.
literally, and sarcastically at the same time.
i am going to come up with a list of things i WILL do after promos.

guess what?
im having another pimple outbreak.
which means im stressed.
which means ive been studying.
because the only thing i get stressed about is my studies.
and maybe the home issue.

wait,
thats a fallacy.
cause sub A=pimple outbreak, B=stressed and C=studying,
while A could =B, and B=C, it not necessarily means that A=C.

hmm,
okay theoretically that is untrue, supposing A,B,C are real values and they are constants.
so then A WILL = B which WILL = C, which means A=C.

but like in the GP sene its wrong,
cause thats like,
a slippery slope argument,
because just because i have a pimple outbreak, does not necessarily mean ive been studying. (SO TRUE!)
because in reality,
theres no such thing as a constant and everything varies, aka. its a variable.
SOOO..

it is an indefinite conclusion.

someone tell me im going crazy, this is definitely because im studying too much.
and this ISNT a sweeping statement.
it has SUPER SUPER true premises.

okay BYE.
EoM awaits.

love,TOOTHPICK

2008-09-13T16:53:00.007+08:00

HELLO DAHHHLINGS,BIG AND SMALL! (;

it has been a fulfilling week.
well,other than monday.

here's some random shots,some of which were taken AGES ago but still bring a smile to my face everytime.

im glad i finally am getting into the mugging mood.

MUGGERINA ALL THE WAY!

have signed up for night study sessions with timo and jo, and ive made sure to be the FIRST to put my name up on that list!

okay,so mugging probably isnt that bad if youve got the company (as in the ones who WANT to study too), the food,and the ATMOSPHERE.

its beautiful to sit in the cafe, watch the BREATH-TAKING sunset,with the cool wind blowing into your face, and a hot cup of free milo sitting next to you.

just you and your books.

altogether now,AHHHH...

(okay, so maybe i was only in it for the free milo.xDD)

its really just great be the last few ones in school. so quiet, so much time for self-reflection (AND MUGGING!)

and the hour alone as you're on your way home, walking through potong pasir neighbourhood.

the week has had its share of fun, just enough to top off what put the beginning of it in a terrible state.

just recounting several incidents..

-jo trying to fit her bike through the turnstile and eventually getting stuck.at 8.35pm at night.THANKGOD there was hardly any one, if not we'd go into world's funniest humans or something. (:

-and immediately after that getting scolded by a weird auntie on our way to the kopitiam for dinner.

-a meeting with timo's guitar,and i can say it was probably love-at-first-sight.uhuh. so right now im still finding my way through the chords (POWER CHORDS!!! =DD) bar chords are still a no-no, and the strumming.one day im gonna perfect the jason mraz,under vincent's guidance.YEAH.(:

-the snacks during the week.mmm..

-the fact that right now im too tired to even have insomnia. xDD so i still take like 2 or so hours to sleep but its better than sleeping for that time every night.

-cadbury boost!and kitkat!

-okay, so three or so weeks into this thing, and we havent stopped on the tarzan thing.or even the teflon bit.

-since THAT DAY,ive been getting simple wishes/miracles performed. 'lets not have pe today.'POOF!

-GODMA AND GODPA ARE HERE!and even though entertaining them can be quite HARRRRRRR.. theyare one of the MOST AWESOMEST PEOPLE EVERRR.really.

i suppose you dont have to have such a nice week to know youre loved and realise how much life really means.(:

thank you.thank you.thank you.thank you.

love,toothpick

2008-09-11T22:31:00.002+08:00

***THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO RYAN GOH.

today i have thought of a list of things i can go in your face! for.

today may be 9/11, but i think i can still pass my piano exam.

i only got ONE mark for my aq, but i still managed to get a B!

i have definitely been mugging more than you.

your girlfriend loves me more than you. :DD how shocking isnt it?

youre in some loser cca and im in the coolest one in the entire universe.(because we made it into TEAM SAJC)
aint that the truth?

i have more msn contacts than you.

and more phone contacts than you! when we last counted i OWNED you by 50 okay.

my life is more interestin than yours.

im a toothpick.

im a girl.

((((:

love,TOOTHPICK

2008-09-08T22:02:00.001+08:00

why is my life going SO FUCKING WRONG.

2008-09-07T22:36:00.002+08:00

tag replies:

jerome LEOW- yes retard knight? i need another mugging session.

zhou tai2-duo xie le.you too ya?

lois-thinking is like, inevitable man. i think im tinking too much the last few days.finding it hard to sleep.

ryanGOH-im not ready leh.and anyway im scared.

ryanNEO-i think im being pressd too hard alr.but thanks! congrats on the passing of your driving test.(:

becca-NOOOO.only roy and jac use it okay? and that was kinda obvious. talk about yourself man. heh. piano exam on THURS!im gonna MATI.like, really really.

kenneth-omgoodness.i think youre the first one who went to colour in your words.ha. do somemore!quite nice.and i think you asked a redundant question cause you did know who i was referring to anyway.

anon-okay.you are?

2008-09-07T22:25:00.002+08:00

maybe i really have known all along?
like, deep down, subconsciously hidden in some small part of the brain.
i knew.
but i just let it go on, merely for the fact that i wanted to keep playing, and didnt want it to stop.
maybe i did.
self-denial, perhaps?

sometimes i wonder if its got something to do with my inferiorities, my fears of history repeating, and my trying too hard to make sure it doesnt.
of making the same mistake.
and its SCARY sometimes,when messages seem to come in all directions in all means to tell you that it might be happening.
or when so many things of no relevance happen, and somehow totally interlink to form a long sentence with perfect meaning, and spot-on words that describe what im going through and what im gonna do.
IM SCARED.

i dont know why i keep feeling so tired,
and yet have insomnia.
that when i want to sleep,
i stay awake.
yet i cant leave my mind at peace enough to get in some slumber.

i dont know why i keep feeling so angry,
at everyone for no particular reason.
the bubbles are boiling and im popping it into the faces of everyone i care about.

i just dont want to talk, to study, to get out of my room.
i just wanna sleep,REALLY sleep, and get every single thing out of my system.

its getting tougher and tougher.
i just dont know whats causing it and why.

love,toothpick.

2008-09-03T21:35:00.003+08:00

im very tired.
not just tired.
but really,
im very very tired.

~~do it,~~
before it gets too late.
before i change my mind.
before i stop it, and everything else.

the rain dampens the mood
not much i can do about it too.
the first september chills.

~~its just taking one step at a time, isnt it?~~
~~patience.~~

but i just hug them tight
and wish it all away.
a fantasy, an illusion,
but still, a momentary bliss,oblivion.

im scared.
what do you think?
what you like, what you dont.
about yourself.
about me.

i need Him now,
more than ever.
it seems that the older i become, so am i a greater coward than ever.
hiding behind all the untruths, procrastinations, hypocrisy.
He said: Just call My name, and Ill be there.
Dear Jesus,
this is where You come in now.
show me the way from here, because i am utterly lost.

skips a beat,
goes off-track
hops around,
bungee-jumping,
fast hard thumps
its everything combined into one.

today was another mugging day.
lessons,mug.
many strange encounters of late.
today was the stapler+pen incident.
dinner @AMK. subway was a much needed laugh.
with the whole 'cassie that dude was flirting with you!' 'really meh?' saga.
and of course.
ce and i just couldnt stop sniggering with the two in front of us.
or at least,
i couldnt. (:
but you guys are cute.

~~i dont know who you are.~~

love, TOOTHPICK

2008-09-01T23:22:00.002+08:00

tag replies!

ryan-YOU WERE LATE! TSKKK.
lois-yeah meet my crazy cousins.((:
bel-HELLO!your boyfriends a bitch sometimes you know.xD
abel-youre ABEL!youre ABEL!i knowww you are ABEL!i know you are ABEL through and through. xDDD
daniel/daryl/lyrad- thanks thanks! :D

2008-09-01T23:12:00.002+08:00

just so eveyone knows,

august has been a rollercoaster month.
i suppose that in order to have two perfect days, the rest of the 28/29 have got to be sacrificed.
i am absolutely certain it was a conspiracy.

sometimes i wonder how humans can be soo inhuman,so uncaring,so uncompassionate.
SO FORGETFUL.
it makes one think how many more billions and trillions of time
hao xin mei hao bao
will come into view once more.

these people disgust me.
really.
i know that many have their reasons for doing so, but these means are purely despicable.

and YOU GUYS.
sometimes you people are seriously USELESS.
i mean, justice and mercy.
at times, they DONT overlap okay.
urgh.
now its not just my home,
but my neighbours too.

whats going on?

mugging session today.
at least it was productive.
i need another one of these.
to keep up all the bio and econs and math and chem.
i didnt realise how out of touch i was till.
today.
yup.

love,cassie toothpick

2008-08-27T22:46:00.002+08:00

except for the fact that jo couldnt talk for the whole day today,
and that we ended school at a record time of 1pm,
and that i didnt bring my phone today,
and somewhat screwed bio mcq ca,
and that our class literally had only 2 hours of lectures and nothing else,
and that i realised i have this thing for 12:34.56pm [ECONS LECTURE! =)]
it was a pretty normal day.

except for the fact that dawn squashed one of my boobs,
and that john tan's wet gross butt landed right smack into my face,and possible making me suffer from wet butt trauma,
and that i felt like tarzan swinging crazily on the rope today,
and that i realised we have so many issues going on for rock,
and the knowing that WE HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN INTO TEAM SAJC!!!!!!!!!!1omg omg omg ZOMGGGGGG.=DDDDD,
it was a pretty normal day.

except for the fact that i overslept and missed my bus stop,
and that some random guy came up to me asking for my number,
it was a pretty normal day.

except for the fact that the sudden realisation that promos are FRIGGIN near hit me like a hammer,
it was a pretty normal day.

maybe tomorrow will be just as normal.(:

love,cassie toothpick.

p.s. i need to remember to develop the photos!GRAHHH.
p.p.s. whos going back tk on FRIDAY?? (((: lemme know.

getting this thing going again.
it just aint right, but i feel it too.
that tingling sensation, just rupturing out of nowhere,
enclosing my whole body.
dont do it if you dont want it.
dont do it to me.
i dont even know why i..you know.
yeah.

sometimes the human heart is plain ridiculous.

OGLING

2008-08-24T21:36:00.003+08:00

omg HAHA! XDD

important guest!
raffles city. (second time in one day!!)
high-class japanese dinner.
pretty tube dress.
pearl earrings. LAVLEEE(((:
5 inch heels.
ABSOLUTELY NO MAKEUP.

after dinner.
carpark.
cross road.
blue car.
3 men.
big eyes. YES LIKE LEMURS!
stop car.
ogle some more.
walk to car.
3 men drive to parking lot where car is.
wait for car to get out.

mm.
what do you get of that?
obviously my dad had some PRETTY RAVEE ideas.

how utterly interesting.
it has been an entertaining day.(:

love,cassie toothpick

2008-08-24T16:48:00.002+08:00

okay. so i didnt expect it to be so big an event.
it was like, WAHHH so many people.
and you start feeling so small and insignificant.

i was COMPLAININGG this morning because i didnt want to get up.
'wake up so early in the freaking in the morning just to make us run this stupid thing. $#%#$#$%#!'
quoted from army dudes, courtesy of jo.(:

and when it started, i felt that it WASNT TOOOOO BAD.
in fact, it felt pretty good and cool and the prospect that all the cars are diverted for you maks you just wanna gloat.heh.

AND THEN i reached the 6km mark.
i was POOPED.so i cheated and started walking for about one km.
ya.

OMG OMG.
i met MOOSEMAN!
my very first crush!
and and he was like, CASSIEEEEE!
i turn to look and he's already made the u turn thats like at least 1.5km more for me.which technically means he's 3km ahead.
how nice right.
of all times to see him in church,
he has to see me in my MOST UNGLAM moment of history.
(because ive never run 10k before see?)

i think i hurt my toeeee. ):
it tweaks and cracks and theres a stinging(and lasting) pain when i move it.
surprisingly my knee didnt give way today.

this was a crazy day.
i dont think ive ever done anything crazier than this before.
imagine.
cassandra kiara leow, a girl who seriously HATES running to the core, running in a 10km COMPETITVE marathon.
she is becoming a chermain poon.
henceforth rom today onwards, my new self-declared name is CASSIE TOOTHPICK, in recognition of poon being called spoon.

so if you put it all together,
then my full name is.
uhh.
long.very vey long.

EMMA-MAY CASSANDRA KIARA TOOTHPICK LEOW CUI MIN.(:

sexy ya? (;

love, emma-may cassandra kiara toothpick leow cui min

2008-08-22T19:02:00.002+08:00

its just sometimes.
everything goes perfectly OKAY, and yet you still come back feeling like shit, dragging your moping body from one venue to the next, wonderng why the hell you cant just go home, dig under the covers and sleep.

mummy says its lack of sleep.
my brain tells me pms.
but i think its more.
i just dont know what.
WHAT WHAT WHAT.

recently its been work study mug mug study work.repeat procedure (x100). my grades are
fluctuating like mad.what i usually get Bs in i get Us and vice versa.
sometimes i just dont know why im still holding on.
everything else is being pushed aside.piano, yc, bunnies, climbing, socialising, family.
the ironical thig is, they dont really mind im spending so much time away from them.
getting too hard to handle maybe?

maybe it was the stupid incident last week thats made me feel crappy for the entire week.
the soreness im having to face being in the home everyday.
i dont know.
GRAA.

i dnt know why im complaining. on the outside, my life is still perfect.
im getting As.
i get to eat tau huey with my lovelies.
im saving up enough money for the end of promos.
i got past my interview for work shadowing.
i have managed to run 7.2km all the way twice in a week, with a 10 minute improvement second time round.amazing, considering the previous record before this was only 3+km.
another 10km run awaits me this sun. it equals meetig up with old friends.
i manage to incoporate different aspects into m life rather well.

where are You.
i dont know if You would consider this despair,
but i feel desperate.
i wish that You could be with me and make it more clear that im never alone.

cassie.

you know, you may not be my eyecandy anymore, but youre still hot.

and you.stop making me more confused.

and US.
whats going to happen to us?
i dont want it to end just like that, you know.
it makesmy heart hurt.

2008-08-17T22:09:00.002+08:00

tag replies-
daryl: yeah it sure was.(: if only we didnt get caught by the retarded uncle. we were helping build bridges leh!
daniel: yeah i know thats why your nick is daniel and not daryl. xD
jo: !RATIUG !!RATIUG !!!RATIUG !!!!RATIUG
vy: erm.its cambridge dear.
lois:that pic was one of the coolest ever.so colourful too.
spoon: took you kinda long.through facebook right?

080808

2008-08-08T23:20:00.003+08:00

CHEM SPA.

BRIDGE.

MATH MSA.

CHEM ALKANES AND ALKENES *ronald: my alkanes! xD*

DURIAN.

IKEA.

CAM-WHORING.

SAFRA 10KM RUN.

BLOOD DONATION DRIVE.

DURIAN.

WALLING.

EYECANDY.

DAY OF RECOLLECTION.

OLYMPICS.

SLEEP.

FOOD.

GUITAR.

PIANO PRACTICAL EXAM.

PIMPLES.

FRIENDS.

SAJC.

TKGS.

SGC.

BIMBO.

GAY BOYS.

CASSIEEEE.

2008-08-02T00:19:00.000+08:00

life's getting kinda tough, and abit hard to handle. =/

2008-07-19T13:06:00.002+08:00

i have no idea what she wants.

but it seems she takes alot of pleasure in effing up my family into even more shit it is now.

i cant stand how she sucks up to my dad'oh HAHA sir youre SOO FUNNY! :D ', shows her 'oh im so innocent' side to my aunt, and gives my mum a 180degree transfromation in working attitude.

i cant even have peace in the one place when calm is technically even possible.

NOW i know why im screwing everything up.

2008-07-04T21:45:00.003+08:00

COLLEGE DAY! (:

i suppose one of my wants is fulfilled.
heh.
college day was DA BOMB!
college day was AWESOME!
college day was FABULOUS!
college day was the ULTIMATE!

i had to wear the sandwich costume/mascot for the whole day,
which i sorta regretted but it turned out to be okay in the end.
fun, even.(:
i suppose only cassie will do stuff like that. xD
the most embarrassing bit was running up the stage to pass gabs his bouquet and make an announcement to the whole audience to patronise SAINTSWAY SANDWICHES.
like, everyone wear so glam to sing,
and im dressed in a cardboard mascot.

and so im now infamously known as the SANDWICH GIRL.
dawn's irritating friend, which i only know by face, suddenly comes up talking to me as if he knows me very well.
"eh! youre the sandwich girl right?haha! damn toot leh you!" -.-
"come play xbox, i buy your sandwich."
and it isnt just him!
suddenly alot of people whom i only recognise by face/name start talking to me.
i think next time i want to widen my networking circle, i shall wear a sandwich costume.
mmhmm.

went around with jo selling "SSAINTSSSSSWAYYYY SSSSSANNNNNNNDDDDDWICHESSSS...
SSAINTSSSSSWAYYYY SSSSSANNNNNNNDDDDDWICHESSSS...
SSAINTSSSSSWAYYYY SSSSSANNNNNNNDDDDDWICHESSSS..."
heh.
went to rally my rockclimbing seniors, paul haoxun kianhong dom etc. to buy my sandwiches. (:
which they did, which was like really uber nice of them.
kianhong wanted to give me the coupon and not take the sandwich, which made me feel so bad for begging him to buy. =/

omg.
and i cant believe kai and amanda actually remembered me from council interview.
i was sort of running past them and all of a sudden they go "CASSANDRA!"
like, shit. im trying to avoid them leh.. xP
and they were all,'' we wanna buy your sandwich..''
*me gives quizzical look*
''erm okay wait ahh.."
then they start asking me on my current life update, about my cca and all.
it was,
WEIRD
and uncomfortable, but oh wells.
i suppose its good cause i shall look at it in a positive way and think its because i left a POSITIVE lasting impression on them.(:

i bought like 10 bucks of coupons but in the end used like less than 5, so the rest went to helping people pay for the sandwiches and buying drinks and xbox-ing.

i suck at halo.
ya.
i still dont know how to change weapon, and i kept asking yong pin and zong wei.
''how to change ah? crap la"
the thing is, they didnt know either. xD

i wanted to wii! ):
but they close shop le, and me and daryl didnt have much coupons left.
so, too bad lor.
but that andrew fellow was pretty nice about it la,
he convinced ms chan to let us play one game instead of two.
haha.
and anyway, ms chan didnt buy my sandwich when she promised me she would.
so, she owed me.
ahaha.

then i walled for abit.and did my strength training and planned some routes with tim before going homeeeeeeeee.

OH OH.
there was this dunking machine.
i love dunking machines.(:
theyre nice,heh
if you arent the one being dunked.
but i suppose thatd be cool too.=D
anthony, our newly crowned SaintsIdol is worth more than moses tan.
HA!
he was being all,
'cassie!!'
*big big grin*
'hahahaha.'
*even bigger grin*
haha.
you better start coming for climbing soon dude!

yeah.
okay i shall stop now.

we should have more college days.
fun fun!

08ASS19-ers!
you peeps did an AMAZING job.
lotsa lotsa hugs and kisses and whatever there is to give.
hhaa.

love,cassie

2008-07-02T22:30:00.002+08:00

TAG REPLIES!
ryan: SORRY! HAHAHA. i must have missed you out.i write you a LONG LONG reply now.heh.(: thanks thanks!
BABOON: OMGGGGGGGG THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING LA!STUPID OWNER GO AWAY!xP
lois: my classmates are awesome.(: id feel worse than i did if you guys werent around. :D
daryl: its an AMAZING song. when i first heard it a few years back, i cried like someone really died. =p

okay.

i want many things, and these are just from the top of my head..

get at least 2 more Bs, which i know is like virtually impossible.yup.
change my chem E grade to a B.
be able to climb roofs. )): NO FAIR LA WHY THE GUYS CAN DO xP
do at least 5 pull-ups continuously.(so far its only one and a half. )): )
have more free time, so i can go for hotcakes breakfasts with my peeps. like TODAY!although it was bcause i ponned.
my skin to stop peeling when i climb.it HURTS like crap la.all the blisters and sore skinless flesh poking outyet you still gotta continue climbing.
never to get sick. but sometimes i guess it could be good.(:
for street market to be a success
to be able to take part in niscc.
and rockamania.WHICH I WONT!):
get a 10gb ipod/zen with 10gb full of songs.(: I NEED TO BEAT NATHANAEL LIANG! xP
i want a new eyecandy.
i want to NOT have eyebags.

yah.

thats just the tip of the cherry.

many many many more.

WAHAHA.

cassie is greedy, BEWARE!

climbing was good today.yupyup.did like 6 or 7 routes and it seems easier now.MORE TRAINING! though training is TOUGH, i almost died on monday ): , but it seriously helps.even if not for real, then mentally i feel stronger.haha.although my muscles ache more.and so does my back.

okay im off to doodoo land.

2008-06-28T23:24:00.002+08:00

omg.
im so pissed with myself.

why
am
i
being
so
hard
up
for
their
attention

like
some
pathetic
fool

telling
them
to
stop
it

trying
to
get
them
to
listen

i
just
want
this
all
to
be
over

im missing You again.
i need to feel Your presence.
please.
please.

2008-06-28T22:06:00.002+08:00

ahh.
the end of cts makes me so..
relaxed.

and yet, its once again te beginning of an argument.
just one after the other.
me with him,
him with her,
her with me,
and then a whole big circle again.

the whole childishness of it all.
i wish it would stop.
funny how it seems we become more like kids as we grow.

relationships are too hard to handle.
they take up too much time,
too much tears,
too much pain,
too much empty hope,
too much useless love.

urgh.

Dance With My Father Again
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

Ooh, ooh

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear her, mama cryin’ for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I’m prayin’ for much too much
But could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don’t do it usually
But Lord, she’s dyin’ to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream

love,cassie

2008-06-19T16:52:00.002+08:00

omg.
im okay.
im okay.

PTL.
thank You!
thank You!!
thank You!!!
((:

i could have never expected any better, or asked for anything more.
i should have trusted You more, i cant believe i lost faith for those few days.
im sorry.
i should have known Youd protect me.
i should have realised i didnt need to fear.
i should have realised that You WERE there, every step of the way.

sometimes people forget,
and its amazing how you never do the same, every single time, no matter how many times it may be, or have been.

HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD.
HOW GREAT IS HIS NAME.
(:

love,cassie

2008-06-16T22:57:00.002+08:00

TAG REPIES:
jo- wheeeeeeee jo! xDD
v-hey! thats to make up for other posts i failed to show.((: and anyway, you were the one who told me to blog longer last time. ;D
daryl-but you still did it! GOOD BOY!((:
tim-haha.WHO ELSE MAN?? XD
dawn-HEY! red is COOL okay.its vibrant and special and inspiring and exciting and its JUST REDD in itself!
huihui-you never say! id gladly bring you along.((:

........................................................................

and yeah.
my hunch was right.
we DID go fishing.

with his usual fishing kakis.
and i got squid ink squirted all over me.
it
was
GROSSSSSSSSSSSS
i swear, i almost died there and then.
WTH!
i didnt mind sea water
but black ink?!?!
my cap!my CLOTHES!
MY FACEEEEEEE!
stupid massive outbreak la.

this is classic bimbo-ness showing.((:
heh.

but other than the smell, scorching sun, threatening motion sickness and fatigue
it was fun.(:

daddy jumped into the sea in the middle of the ocean.
without lifejacket or anything.
just to save his 1000 over dollar rod setup.
thank god the current wasnt strong.
mummy and i almost strangled him for being so impulsive.
'$1000 leh! you mean you wouldnt jump in if you saw $1000 floating/sinking away?'
sheesh.

oh.oh.
eyecandy man!
the boatman
was
HOTTTTTT.=DDD
imagine being stuck with him in 10 square metres of wooden planks for 12 hours.
for 2 days!
RAWWRRRRR.
haha.

***THIS SEGMENT IS ESPECIALLY FOR DAWN LIM JIA EN!!
babe, i SWEAR i saw waffle dude at rompin k!
seriously!!!
with his classic getup, cap and rolled up pants and monkey-faced and all!
and i wasnt having delusions/illusions, cause my mum mentioned how beng he looked!!!
it was SUUUUPER weird.
like,
WAFFLE DUDE?
in malaysia at the most random of places?
strangely and scarily coincidental.
hard to imagine him as any other guy besides the waffle dude @ SA selling waffles though. xDD

okay.
i have nothing else to say.
except to:
IHMYC- sorry i missed the pol party guys.i was POOPED. and i was pretty late already anyway. =/
guides- sorry in advance. i miss ya all.so so so bad.

love,cassie

2008-06-11T22:03:00.002+08:00

okay.
so im gonna try and squeeze as much as i can into this post for everything that has happened the last two weeks.

tuesday.
service learning.
im in love with the kids.
seriously.
THEY ARE SO UBER UBER UBERLY ADORABLE.
like disney princesses.=D
and yeah, there were difficult kids.
but they all slowly became really nice to me when i started treating them nicer too.((:
an experience i shall never forget.
i just wanna share a prayer i learnt,
it caught my attention for being so simple but so meaningful.
Dearest Jesus,
great and good,
thank you for this daily food,
bless over us as we pray, watch over us for the rest of the day,
in Jesus' name we pray,
AMEN.

ms ye partly treated us to fish&co. !
and i got a free taxi ride home too, after that.

wednesday.
training@ ClimbAsia.
super few seniors.we wanted to pass them their invitation cards.POOT.
and i smsed every single one of them la.
TWICE.
can feel my wallet becoming lighter.
kian hong was being all strange in his smses.
and idzhar was making me feel so guilty cause he couldnt go for farewell. ><

thursday.
nothing much.
stayed home to mug?
and got darn stressed over farewell.
and the last minute issues.
drove me nuts.

friday.
farewell!
which turned out awesome in the end.
i shouldnt have worried too much.((:
but perhaps it was all my worrying that made it work too.
im glad that an event i planned went smoothly for once. xD

sat-monday.
WWJD Camp.
it was KINDA STRANGE, being in the same camp with your brother.
helping out in the camp meant for him.
i guess thats partly why i chose to do logs too.
just in case. i landed up with him.
yup.

it was GREAT.
the logs were POOPED.
i learnt some guitar chords in 2 days!
considering the only thing i know from a guitar is that it creates music, that is good okay!
heh.
OH OH.
and i can make the *TWANGGGGG* sound, i dunno how to say. xD

the kids are soo quiet.
AND IM SOO SOO GONNA RAH-RAH AND BE THE KIDS' CHEERLEADER AGAIN!!!
they were so responsive, my lovelies.<33
ryan, the girls OWNED okay, considering we were so much smaller in numbers than the guys.

where's thE PEANUT? GING GANG GOOOOOOOLI!=D
baby shark.
MAMA SHARK.
gramma shark.
PAPA shark.
ah gong shark.
SHARK ATTACK!
swim like mad.
TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

plenty of cam-whoring.
and THIS, is unbelievable.

imagine, cassie leow,
not writing A SINGLE FUZZY!
LIKE, WOAHHHHHHHHH.

but it came true.
OH THE HORRORS OF HORRORS.
haha.
im amazed.(:
really and truly, i didnt think id meant what i said.

today.
i skipped tuesday.
it was too boring.

TRAINING@ YISHUN SAFRA TODAY!
=D
we dida little of speed climbing.
and routes.
after you climb with 3 other guys
being the only girl there you realise girls ARE indeed more flexible than guys.
easier for us to twist and do sit-ins and side steps and drop-knees etc.etc.etc
but when it comes to strength and speed, you cant beat the guys.
mmhmm.

it was like private training cause so little people went.
but i liked it in a small group better, more attentin on me to improve and climb.
i guess im selfish in that way. =P

yeah thats it.

love,cassie

she didnt look like she would be one to do that.
took pills,
one by one.
until she fell sick.
and she refused to do anything about it.
why?
was it really that bad?
it would have been an utter disappointment.
for her from me.
for herself and her family.
i feel so sorry for her.
she doesnt understand how loved she is.

.
.
.
yeah i am jealous.
i should stop being,
cause i knew this was coming sooner or later.
those issues that lay unresolved,
whatever they were,
i still dont know,
theyd bound to come up sooner or later.
i guess i was just hoping itd be later.

i was stupid to think it was all okay.
because when you finally wake up from dreamland, you know its all over.
wake up, dear.you cant turn back time and expect it to go back to ignorant bliss.
its not the same anymore.
doesnt work that way.

learn to take disappointments,
you gotta learn that sometimes it aint what you do that makes you upset, and you dont cause and you cant help everything.
because theres only so much you can do.

i just wanna know why.

2008-06-11T21:19:00.003+08:00

BECCA!THANKS ALOT FOR DISTRACTING ME. XD

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated themselves.
B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.
Continue this game by sending it to other people.

If your ~~lover~~brother betrayed you, what would your reaction be?
complain to my mum,then my dad.then my friends.then to anyone else who will listen.
or have younger siblings.xD

If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
staying young.

What will your dream wedding to be like?
simple.funky.church.RED.=D

Are you confused of what lies ahead of you?
ERM.
erm.
did that answer the question??

What's your ideal ~~lover~~ bus ride like?
one with small kiddies smiling at you the whole way through.((((((((((;

Do you have a person that you wish you will be with now?
heh.
yea.

Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
both.

How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
if i really love him/her, id wait till i couldnt anymore.

If the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do?
liked,not loved?
too bad for me lor, i guess i gotta learn to give him up.
ive already done it once anyway.=/

Is there anything that makes you unhappy these days?
THOUSANDS.unfortunately.

How do you see yourself in ten years?
child psychologist/getting a bachelors/engaged?(i wanna get married at 28! xDD)

Who are currently most important people to you?
ivy
ryangoh
ce
becca
jac
roy
leon.
gerrard.
brother
parents
da ge.
tbg.
my rockclimbing DUDES!tim,nat,nic ng,mason,john,zhiwei,moses,luqman,thuhan,alexis,nic teo,UGLYjan?tackwei,george,anthony,kian shiong,bowen,paul,kianhong,yusong,lucas,izzat,idzhar,dom,haoxun AND MORE!
my rockclimbing BABES!dawn,cher,enya,rachel,sujun,zhunen
the kids in marymount centre.xD esp clarice,nicole,averil and ling jie.

What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
extraordinary.
special.
my very bestest friend.
SCARY sometimes.xDD

Would you rather to be single and rich or married but poor?
depends on how old i am first.
if im still like 20 plus, then single and young.
if im already 60 plus, got so much money also no use, so then id rather be married and poor.

What's the first thing you do ~~every morning~~ when you switch on the computer?
check my mail to see the crazy number my unread mails have reached to.

Would you give all in a relationship?
yeah.
i do my best for all man.

If you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?
dunno.
ill see how if it ever comes to that.
the feeling must suck.

What type of friends do you ~~like~~have?
the creme de la creme.

If you were given the chance to turn back time, will you?
hell yeah.

What is the last thing you would do before you die?
smile,cry and hug everyone i know.
sing.

wait thats 4 things.
erm.must i really choose??

~~Last~~ words to the person who tagged you (which you have never said before).
cheekuweetamachabobibichakakitahetudenay!!!!!!!! WAZZAAAAAAAAA!!!
8 people to be tagged:
tim
huihui
ryan neo
gene
daryl
jerome leow
weili
jolena

WAHAHA.

2008-06-02T23:43:00.005+08:00

TAG REPLIES!
ryan neo: it's come and gone! )):
ryan goh: yeah i guess?
v: too bad! =p
huihui: me too!im going service learning though!!((:
nat: tsk.dynos seems to be the nly thing you talk about these days. xD

KL TRIP WAS LIKE AWESOME!!!
=DD
i so so so so so wanna go again man.

the trip there was LONGGG.
i think most of us slept throughout the bus ride.
thuhan studied.like,study leh!in the bus!
lunch was like, A&W!!!
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN SINCE I HAD A&W??
i ordered a beary meal and they had this cute cute pen thingy which me and dawn got, and it became our source of entertainment for the rest of the journey to kl.
unfortunately,it was POURING when we reached kl.
okay maybe not pouring, but it was raining bad enough.
so we headed to Camp5 @ OneUtama shopping centre.
its asia's largest indoor climbing gym, and it was HUGE!
LIKE, ROCKCLIMBING HEAVEN.((:
i swear it was love at first sight.
there was this dude at the cashier who got me quite irritated.
like, he was going on and on about knowing how to lead climb and then he later confessed he only had level 1 certification.like, dont waste my time!i wanna climb.stop hogging the cashier i wanna make my payment.xPPPP
my group consisted of lucas,mason,yingqiu and nic teo.
there were some routes that made you feel totally good.
and they have these autobelay systems which are so awesome man!
unfortunately on these kinda things you cant rest if not you fall all the way down.wheeeeeeee...
their bouldering area is cool.a few of us(kian hong,haoxun,vincent,cher,dawn,lucas,mel)climbed up this slidey thingy and took some awesome shots.kian hong looked like he was going to fall flat on his face.super scary.
dinner was yoshinoya.
dawn and chermain had fish and co.'s, and they recounted about how paul was so so disappointed cause he wanted "LAMB SHANK LEH!" from secret recipe.
the food is CHEAP.even at some high class shopping centre as that.its like the malaysian vivocity.(:
i think nicholas ng is crazy.
he keeps taking photos of his mouth.xDD
and we on our way to the lodge when they were having this street performance.
and this dude was playing with the soccer ball.
and ive never seen anything like it.
it was HOT!!!
REALLY AND TRULY!
he was rolling it aoround his head and neck and doing all sorts of tricks and moves and i was mesmerised.
so was the rest of the bus peeps.
the lodge was a little disappointing.
small room with thumping music from the bar downstairs.
beds had buggies and no blanket, and aircon was stuffy (it was even shared between two rooms!) and leaking, making my bed all damp.
but nonetheless it was going to be lucas' birthday, and we were all cheered up by trying to see whatd happen during operation:toothpaste!
**kian hong went abit kuku after rockclimbing camp, he's been taking many photos of sleeping people, and new mannerisms such as smearing toothpaste on people have started popping up.=pp**

i didnt sleep till 4! cause thats when the music below ended.
waited for paul's knock on the door but didnt hear any at 5.30am.(chermain and dawn did!but DOBODY knocked.guess im the only normal one, then?xDD)
i assumed he didnt wake up and went back to sleep.
suited me fine.i was too sleepy anyway.
later when we all got up we found dawn sleeping in the stairwell cause it had gotten too cold and we didnt have any blankies to pass the night.
turns out that operation:toothpaste! failed cause lucas was WAY WAY WAY WAY awake before anyone else.so it was a disaster.
poor thing.itd have been fun.
we left pretty early the second day.
FINALLY SOME NATURAL ROCKCLIMBING!
it was a cool experience.
all the bat shit, and bird-poo-on-cassie-but-she-just-looks-and-seems-rather-neutral-and-nonchalent,as well as the mozzies and irritating grass.but it turned out surprisingly easy.
maybe cause they were easier routes but WHATEVER MAN.start small first.((:
and it had to rain.)):
but it was okay.
we packed up an i got myself a litre of chrysanthemum tea.
and vincent and i had tons of fun with a black kitten now affectionately known as bobby(once i had confirmed it was a guy.if not itd have been bibi.xD) while waiting for the bus uncle to arrive.
then weheaded back to oneutama.
me cher and dawn found that spending 17RM to climb fr like 2 hours was not worth it, so we decided to be nice and go walk around to find a nice dinner place to accomodate 30 peeps and host lucas's birthday.
and guess where we ended up?
SECRET RECIPE.
how ironical.
no prizes for guessing what paul ordered.
vincent tim nat john kian shiong ++ didnt climb too.they were WINDOW SHOPPING!=O
communicating over the walkie talkie is HARD.
though it was an AWESOME piece of entertainment.
and it started with tim's WAZZA!
classic man, i tell you.
you dont see hahn dong so sensible, he can go abit kuku sometimes too.
cake was CHOCO BANANA!!((((((((((:
and i had nice lasagna for dinner.i think like,70% of the entire table ordered lasagna.xDD
it might have been sugar hugh, everyone was so soo high after dinner.the boys went on to play with their walkie talkies, making whistling sounds, singing TheBeatles,playing cards,ogling at supposedly gay men, clapping to drum beats(which was FUN!like everyone thinking of their own rhythm and adding on.=DD) and passing around shrek ears!
oh, and we cant foget the smashing of cake into faces,shirts,and hair,can we?;)
the music was WORSE second night round,cause it was a FRIDAY.
i was getting a headache, so i decided to go upstairs to play bridge,taitee,cheat ad bluff with tim,nat,john,moses,zhiwei.
i have to say,the love-hate relationship between them(moses and zhiwei) is soo cute,its abit gay sometimes.=ptheyre like always arguing yet theyre always sticking together.xDD
moses: yeah its a love-hate relaTIONSHIP.he loves me and i hate him.
LOLLL!!!
that was one of the funniest things of the whole trip.
OH.
mason did a horrible thing.
now my mind just became more corrupted.
he came out of the shower with just his towel draped around his waist and was like,bare elsewhere!
i culd feel my face go red as he stepped into the living room.
'erm, cassie you can stop looking.haha look,she's gone red.'
WHOOPS.
ms wee chased us to bed soon after, but i didnt sleep till the music ended.
it was louder than the night before, how to?? )):

last day.
thank goodness i packed my stuff the night before.i was so tired i didnt think i could make it even if i rushed.
breakfast was, interesting i would say.we were sitting at the table when this small boy suddnyl appears and plonks himself into dawn,chermain and my lap.like, withou a word.then he takes out his baby doll, and makes it play this irritating twinkle twinkle little star tune., only agreeing to trade if mel gives him her can of unopened milo.like,WOAH.so young and so manipulative.and cunning.
we went to a different area of batu caves to climb.
no bat shit, but bird shit plenty.
i kena-ed.again.
but whatever man.
they were tougher this time round, and the area had more mozzies than the day before.
but no grass, so that was a relief.
i wore my cap around the whole day to hide my helmet hair.=/
there was this route, in which like only a few completed it cause it got really tough.especially after vincent climbed halfway,broke off a piece of rock, which was an important handhold,and made it one grade harder.
i tried, but before i could reach bird-shit cave, some bad bad rocks fell into my eyes.and i had to get down.
maybe it was a god thing, i didnt think id had enough energy to climb anyway.
so it probably saved me from the embarrassment.heh.
then we packed up and left.
immigrations was a breeze, there was NO ONE.at all.so that was a good thing.
ot was cards all the way in the bus.everyone was soo soo hyhped up about the whole trip.

i have to say, it was a great experience, and im going to get my level two soon so i can go back again and lead climb this time.
gosh i love climbing.

((:

sunday was sec2 camp training.
role-playing was fun, i got to be a bored kid, which was exciting caue i was being so disruptive.SIAN JI PUA.then i took held up the water hose which got everyone scared, and tore paper into kenneth's hair.
i missed frisbee cause i had to mug.xP
how utterly horrible.

today was cleaning of equipment.
washed groundsheets,rope bags,had to hand in farewell proposal, and i got my exco position.
treasurer.
i guess i cant hide the fact that i was disappointed, but i was prepared for it.
in any case, the people who got cap and vice cap are fit for th job.
i couldnt have picked better people than them already.
so congrats tim and dawn, you guys better do your job well if not im gonna kick your asses.not that i have any doubts at all.=DD
then poon came to my home to settle the invitation cards.

and now i gotta sleep.
BYE.

love,cassie

2008-05-28T12:05:00.001+08:00

omg.
i cant believe she's really thinking that.
what the hell man.

only this time im getting the feeling too.

stop being so dense,
whys it only me huh.

2008-05-27T20:55:00.004+08:00

oh god.
i really think so!
oh mannn.
more trouble!
shucks.
lets hope the next few days sort everything out!

if not, itd be 3 leh!
3!!!

crap crap crap crap crap.
why am i so bloody fickle-minded??
choose one and stick to it man!

i need a rockclimbing journal.
maybe ill just use my diary.(:
or maybe ill get a nice new one.

i dunno who reads this blog.
so, i shall not post sensitive topics.
such as me ponning lectures and such.=p

today was totally great.
i got some climbing done!
and we were supposed to go do pull ups
but somehow it didnt come to that in the end.
so i had to be satisfied with my core training.
poot.

NATHANAEL LIANG totally drained my phone of its battery.
this is the first time ive seen my phone reach 0%.
lol.
and all it took was 30 over minutes for the last quarter of the bat to drop.
usually it takes 30 hours.
SOMEBODY'S obssessed with john tan eh. ;D
keep taking photos.xDD
theyre up on facebook btw.(:

abdul's my friend,stop asking.heh.

love,cassie

2 DAYS!
2!
2!(((((:

2008-05-25T21:37:00.002+08:00

TAG REPLIES!(:

wl:SIAN JI PUA.
v:this isnt exactly a tag reply.HAPPY BOOF!DAY MY PRECIOUS BABE.I LOVE YA SOO SOO MUCH, AND IM ULTRA SORRY I MISSED YOUR BOOF!DAY.
THIS, is a tag reply.yea, thats why.=D
tim:are you gonna say nothing if i say what back? xDD
huihui: thanks dear.(: its better, now that holidays are almost/somewhat here!

update on phuket wedding will be up soon.

one takeaway is though,
i felt inferior.
cause
for once in my life
im seated next to 9 other millionaires/billionaires.
and i suddenly realise how small i am.
I AM INSIGNIFICANT.
MY LIFE IS INSIGNIFICANT.
indeed so true,mr casey leong.
=/

but one thing's for sure.
they were all so beautiful.

love,cassie

2008-05-22T19:30:00.003+08:00

omg.
its RAINING!
=D

as i sit in front of my beautiful computer, im listening to the wonderful splishes and splashes of the raindrops.
in fact, i feel inspired enough to post a song.=D

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me'
Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

[trumpet]

It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me'
Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

im happy today.
yay.=D
haha.
maybe cause man u won chelsea.(WHEEEEE!)
and maybe because i had a great time for pe today.
and maybe because we totally ended school at 2 today.
and that i had a little bit of climbing done.
and that tomorrow im flying off to phuket.
and that we end school early tomorrow as well.
and that the last two weeks have been the most awesome weeks of school.ever.

i think the key is to have a good monday.
when you have a good monday, you have a good week.
okay okay i copyright this revelation!((:
just like *PYU* tm.
haha.

hmm.
i need to go post on the class blog.
for holiday timetable schedule.
like, no holidays!
but whatever.
8 days to kl!
man i cant wait.

love,cassie

it stopped raining already! =o

2008-05-20T22:04:00.002+08:00

it gets tougher everytime.
the last few days are horror.

dont sleep cassie!i tell myself.
and i somehow end up with my head nearly rolling off my neck.

its just this much awaited anticipation of break.
of holidays.
well, at least technically.

why do mid years have to start like after june hols?
truthfully speaking i dont even know why they still call it so, since it can and never will be classified as one anymore anyway.

maybe the phuket trip is coming at a right time.
a chance to let my hair down.
literally.
dress up.
and actually HAVE a weekend.
my social life is in a ruin i swear.
darn school.
for one who scores 4As for your a levels, you have my utmost respect.

''to stay in talent management, you need to score at least 70 uni admission points for common test.''
yeah, as if thatd happen to me.
im struggling to just pass and hopefully turn the nonexistent grades to a b.
what sort of chem olympiad fails chem anyway?
(the answer's supposed to be me)

rockclimbing oh rockclimbing.
how i just love thee.
you rip my skin off so bad.
it just sticks onto the wall.
and makes me come back to get it everytime.
i know how you made me fall in love with you.
it was never you to begin with.
ha.

"the EXCO is like the plasma membrane and the nucleus of the cell."
yup.
i hope i left behind an impression through that, no matter how lousy an analogy that may have been.

i cant wait for the 29th may.
qin ni kuai kuai lai ba.

love,cassie

yes,
no,
maybe.
i dont know!
can you repeat the question?
=/

2008-05-16T23:52:00.002+08:00

this week has been a relatively good one.
monday was rugby finals.
which we lost.
but yet managed to gain so much more as a class together.
the crazy crazzy CRAZYYYY things we did, the suan-ning and laughter, the cheers.it was AWESOME.
tuesday went by pretty okay, no major bloops.except for the fact that i flunked by chem test. 9/25.heh. i can bet i did the worst out of all the chem olympiads.in fact, im probably the only one who did sooo bad and got a U as a grade.LOL.
wed.
no rockclimbing.darn.
got replaced by some security seminar.
eew.
which didnt turn out to be so bad in the end since the guy was pretty entertaining.self-amusement can be the funniest thing on earth.
thursday was.um.normal.
stayed in school till super late to finish up darn-ded gpp proposal.and then i went to climb.for a while.with nic ng. till about what?7.30?
and friday.
the EVENTFUL day.
the day which almost spoilt my otherwise relatively perfect week.
stupid FRIENDLY captains ball with s11 turned out to be some do-or-die match.
i hated the way they were being so cheat-ing and rough and HEARTLESS!XP
horrible people.
tsk.
you idiot.how dare you smash into my face.your gross sweat la, you pig.
and then chem tut.oh man.it was SOO SOO SOO SOO draggy.): an econs tut.i was sooooo pekchek i screamed with meiwei.which wasnt even effective.
suck eggs.
AND EXCO INTERVIEW.
which actually turned out pretty okay in the end considering the fact that it was not like council.
so im glad.
i felt like going up to the j2s and giving them a kiss on the cheeks each for making the interview so bearable.

but yes.
im digressing.

i need sleep.
plenty of sleep.
i look like a panda, and my new blackie specs arent helping.
.
.
.
.
.
you saved the day, really.
who ask you to be my eyecandy? =p

The Heart Of Worship (When The Music Fades)

*Verse 1*

When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

*Bridge*

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

*Chorus*

I'm coming back to the heart of worhip
And it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus

*Verse 2*

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much you deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is yours
Every single breath

*Bridge*
*Chorus*
*Chorus*

love,cassie

2008-05-04T21:16:00.009+08:00

i figured i had better start updating you guys on recent events before they get longer and longer. and i do need my break from stupid math after all.HAH.

so ive got to cover yc seniors retreat, sports day and ROCKCLIMBING CAMP!(:

okay.

seniors retreat first.

*WARNING!RECORD-BREAKING POST AHEAD!make sure youre seated nice and comfortably in that computer chair,no matter how uncomfortable i know it can be*

arrived pretty late.by the time i got there,th first session was near finishing and i just sat there looking utterly dejected and left out cause i hadnt done my soul country map.)):we had a cool mis of variations, like calculators,timelines and real pop out trees!=D(BLAME IT ON THE ARCHITECT!he had to go outshine everyone.XP)haha.

was in a pretty bad mood partly due to pms,partly due to school, and mostly ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT to do with student council.*point to note: ive quit! for those who dont already know. and i dont regret it a single bit cause ive found my family already((:*

then we sort of closed up.and the bunnies, being studious and forced to, went to study.cassie had her late night dinner.(: then i had a nice talk about me with roy,jac and carol.which really helped me to think things through.LOVES.

i almost fell asleep on sars cause i couldnt see them when i entered the room!

second day.

awoke to the sound of jailhouse rock.later found out it was ivy's.

mood became better!(:

andre's pillow was so comfy i wanted to keep on sleeping!

i have learnt that i should always sms him before every camp to chope his pillows.

but i sorta liked his cushions better when they were silky.the new singapore airline girl uniform design is not so smooth.pfft.

and then at 7am, roy started cam-ming!HOW UNGLAM.all the sleepy eyes full of morning eyeshit and horrible breath.(not that you can see the smelly breath or what, but whatever =p)

skyflakes for breakfast.i ordered becca to make me one with peanut butter."DO IT!"heh. and i started on my soul country with a pretty castle.at least sister said it was pretty.hahah.

as usual, cassie was being ocd."ITS NOT CENTRALISED!!!IT HAS TO BE CENTRALISED!!!!IVY I NEED ANOTHER PAPER CAUSE THIS IS UGLYYYYYYYY!!!"and everyone else went, 'tsk.cassie.'HAHA.and then we had meditation before we started on this I Am I Can I have session, where we filled in what we were, what we could do and what we had.i was really glad i remember stuff like having my 10 fingers and toes.cause we always tend to lookover stuff like that so easily and forget what marvellous creations of God we are.

!!!I AM OCD, I CAN OCD I HAVE OCD!! omg omg, we had sooooo much fun with that.((:

then it was AFFIRMATION!

i love affiramations.its really fun going around writing nice stuff for people.i was trying to remember who i had forgotten and you could literally hear me going,"there are 23 people present, ive done her, her,him,him,him,her OMG!I FORGOT HER!"

then i climbed up onto the chairs where we had reflection for about an hour on what i and others had written.

i swear, tablets are FUN.darn , i should have gotten one.then can play around with it.((:

its okay my dearest Dell XPS M1330, i still love you.haha.

I BELONG TO BECCA AND SHE BELONGS TO ME!

after lunch were intercessions.some were really funny!!!haha.

AND THEN IT WAS SKITS!

we had an awesome time acting them out.WHO KNEW BEING A TREE COULD BRING SO MUCH FAME AND FORTUNE??

okay not exactly fortune but fame.heh.xD

laugh: i tried jumping while on my knees being short zacchaeus.and the big big big offertory bag usinga ground sheet and gene putting in 50 bucks, which later went temporarily missing.oops.HAHA.

then it was imposed silence till after dinner!

obviously that couldnt have been done so by mass we were all chatting away.after dinner we were told to write out our names we had been called before which we didnt like.

then it was EMO TIME.

like seriously.

the wemics were sooo cute!and there cassie was, crying away like nobody's business, cause everything just suddenly came back to me.why im like that now,why im who i am today.not in a good sense, technically.

and we had those beautiful paper flowers that opened up so nicely in our makeshift pond.one of the messgaes written by some other person cause another huge outburst.DAMN.i was quite embarrassed after that.

after that i went to the study room to EMO somemore.until jac came in and brought me to the dinner room.and LO AND BEHOLD!ICE CREAM PARTY!!!!!!

oh my.i couldnt really taste the icecream for the first few mouthfuls but then after a few mouthfuls i stopped crying and started tasting the sweetness.i was trying to relate it to the tastelessness being me alone and terrified and upset and the sweetness of the icecream my friends and family.and i realised it all actually fit really well.even if you dont understand it here.haha.just know that CASSIE SAYS IT FITS IN ALL VERY WELL.=DD

after we sent sister home it was CAMWHORING!with becca.ha.

damn act cute!and im still waiting for WOYKENG!!! to pass me the link for the photos.

then i got to play with his camera for a bit before cleanup.ivy and i were drying the flowers before going to sleep.

green flowers are especially tough to dry.SEE LA IVY.why you love green so much.haha.

then it was sleep time.YAWN.

day 3.

final session was the lighting of candles bit.then we had a final group shot before going to class.

SPORTS DAY!

OKAY NOTHING MUCH TO SAY EXCEPT THAT TO MY DEAREST S19, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!its okay we didnt come in first.we wanted to win something.and we did.and we gained so much more in the process.we forged stronger bonds(stronger than covalent leh!) and we'll be back to own what is rightfully ours next year!im really glad to see that out of soooo many j2 classes, we were part of the top 8 alongside with so many of them!08S19, you guys ROCK MY WORLD.lets enjoy the next two years together hand in hand yeah?((: *btw, weili and yongpin,congrats for making it to council.*

and lastly,rockclimbing camp.which was totally totally totally totally awesome.=D since it was the most recent, i should remember it better than the other two.yep.so here's another lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng ramble.(:

day 1

after chem prac joyce and i left school to go buy chermains pandan cake.we asked for candles and totally forgot about the darn-ded lighter.HA.how smart. and of all times,chermain had to suddenly pop outta nowehre at jacob ballas and we had to give this lame excuse that the bag contained snacks to last for the night.lol.

then while waiting, there was a nice nice amusing encounter with chers eyecandy."shit i think he knows leh!!!'HAHAHA.

got settled into our groups and i was in C( for CASSIE! xDDDDD i was saying it throughout the entire camp.i wonder how many doods got irritated lol.) with dawn, tim, bowen,george,alexis and wenyao.

we had goal setting and i wrote that i wanted to know the names of everyone in camp and to reach rock 20 for the endurance route.

training was horribly tiring.i nearly got killed by idzhar and izzat.those two boys made us do typewriters,jackhammers(?), those pull-up thingys where you went up and down for many different angles thing and WHEELBARROWS.ohman, i suffered most for that one.i hurt my ankle AND my palms are still sore till now.darn.

we had a good laugh about hahn dong having the cleanest mind and him going "need to put on an act only la.." XD ohoh.and also when izzat AND idzhar got confused about dawn and dusk."dawn has arrived" when they saw the setting sun.HAHAHAHAHAHA.

by the time training ended it was 8!dinner was HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE!some screw-up in the ordering caused us to suffer with the gross fried rice.i ate like 1/5 of it and gave the other to da ge(xiao di! XD) januver.

after that we changed into our dark clothes and had teambuilding games!i've got only one thing to say, water balloons are FUN.before we got whoosed off for our showers we had this group hug with the 5 girls being squeezed in the centre by the 20 over other guys with their wet bodies and the water on them slowly dripping onto us...ee.hahah.but it was still awesome!(:

the advantage of being in a cca with so litle girls/so many guys is that you dont have to rush to bathe!haha.thought the seniors were being uber sarcastic, with paul going,"wahh, actually the girls quite fast hor.." *snicker*

nightwalk!dawn and i were singing like mad.and more people are saying we should join saints idol.LOLL.so dawnkey babe, are you up for it??XD mindy can sleep anywhere la!!haha.while waiting for our turn she just fell asleep on the gallery steps!HAHA.i went alone, and paul just HAD TO TELL ME "YOU SURE YOU WANNA GO ALONE ANOT?SURE YOU WONT BE SCARED ANOT?"TSK.as if we females are so weak.tsk.

first stop was lt.on the door there were pasted instructions."do not leave the lt until you hear the knock.be afraid.be very afraid." so corny.haha.so i went inside and sat next to this senior who i think was haoxun.i heard this knock and he went to open it.saw another figure in the pitch dark lt.then i went out again throught the same door.then kianhong started panicking.he was all,"WHY YOU COME OUT!" "cause the instuctions said so?" "WRONG DOOR WRONG DOOR!!!!!" "but you all never specify!" "the upstairs one the upstairs one!" "orh okay lor."

so i went back in and saw vincent near the exit.he tried being mysterious and all, which SOOO didnt work and i started giggling and he scolded me for being a spoiler.LOL.it wasnt scary la!more funny than anything else.XD at least better than anthony right.he went in and turned on the lights.he just totally didnt bother about the insturctions at all.haha.he LAGI spoiler.see? im not so bad after all.((:

then i carried on with my walk and met mason and cher along the way!it totally made my walk alot easier cause i didnt have to look for a dictionary anymore.though we were being dumb and didnt see the torchlight next to the dictionary.then we went to the photocopier where the screen was emitting light to try and read the next set of instructions.was supposed to find yusong.we walked around the whole level 3 and after awhile he got soo irritated he gave himself away.haha.

last up was finding bottlecaps in some dark ulu place.met anthony along the way.okay, truthfully right.that was the scariest part of it.cause you had to go feel your way near the dark toilets.and truth be told, i absolutely LOATHE dark toilets.gross and smelly and scary.yup.

but it was funny hearing how dom got freaked out.heehee.

NEXT!we got joyce to stall cher while me and dawn hurried back to the room to get the pandan cake.make two eyes with the candles and a smiley mouth with strawberry fruitplus.((:

"eh sorry dear.got no lighter.so make a wish, then pretend to blow out the candles k?" HAHAHAHA.

and the we had a mini party!!(:

the 5 girls plus nathaniel,mason,john, tim and s19 nic.tim was uber cute.peel off small bits to eat.mason chaoji greedy, gobble the cake like noone's business.

then the green tea addicts aka the girls went to set up our sleeping area on top of the tables.had manual smsing with dawn for a while then it was off to doo doo land(though i only fell asleep at 2 i think)

day 2

early morning shower!went around looking for an empty toilet cause we had to share with the band girls.cause they were having camp too.and there are ALOT of girls in band.ALOT.note to self: never brush your teeth in a public place where your eyecandy can see the unglam you.

then morning run.which got me totally upset cause my whole bath just went to waste.two rounds in like 4 minutes.and thats why i say i have no stamina.xP

up next was CORE MUSCLES COMPETITION!i realised how weak i was la.moses was super funny.that guy doesnt even need muscles to lift up his legs on the pull up bar 90 degrees cause he's legs are soo freakin long by the time he swings back and forth its already bent way more than the angle required. mason is crazy.tsk.do until so many.

breakfast was kaya bread with horrible milo.hmm.=/

then ACTUAL CLIMBING!like, finally la.the whole camp had so much of things other than climbing.so whys it called a rockclimbing camp then?lol.but i climbed!and i reached the rock where no other dude reached!at the inclined part.

GIRL POWER!!!total ownage la.WAHA.and bouldering!i reached rock 18!18!18!YAY!in the end i didnt make it till 20 but no worries.ill do it soon.soon ya hear me??

ms wee was really good.thu han was damn pekchek cause he couldnt progress from 10 to 11.ego deflated by a girl.XP paul made me do vincents route.gabriel is another crazy one!and nic looked damn funny is his taekwondo attire.=D

LUNCH WAS FANTASTIC!we had a caterer and EVERYONE IN SCHOOL WAS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO JEALOUS!!!haha.funny januver is caught in sooo many scandals and i dont even know how i got pulled into it man.

then it was teambuilding games PART 2.vincents tennis ball game(we completed 7/9 circuits.not too bad i would say.(((: ).paul's cross-over-the-string thing (i absolutely hated this one.we were all risking back injuries.it was just waiting for the right moment to happen only.could we please not do this ever again?).lucas's helium stick.ONE-TWO-THREE DOWN!that was fun.record time of 1s.BEAT THAT! dom's mas selamat/mas cookie monster/traitor(wen yao cheated!ohh the traitor, haha.) human traffic jam/chair thingy.that was the funnest of the funnest.(: and lastly su jun's paper plate number press press game.haha.GROUP Cassie you guys are soo fun to be with i have having terrible camp blues now.):

then we had cleaning up, where wwe pretended to wash the already sparkling clean toilet.

it was followed by prize presentations.=D cher won best camper!(happy birthday...happy birthday..happybirthday..hahaha.HOW MANY TIMES DID WE SING IT AGAIN?6?7? XD)

then it was evaluationg of our goals.i was saboed by yusong to name everyone in camp.heng ah.lucky never get anything wrong and make a fool of myself.then it was BANG GANG!

overall, it was a satisfying camp.eyecandy could be spotted ever soo soo often.i indulged in each conversation we had and i loved every second of it.lol i sound desperate.xDDDDDD

we should stay in school more often.=p ohman.i have no idea whats wrong with me.

and today.i went swimming!finally, after like 4 months?

well, im proud to say that at least i still accomplished my usual 20 laps though with s slower timing.

and TADA.im done.

goodnight peeps!(:

love,cassie

p.s. thanks ryan for the gift.everyone was OBSSESSED with it after the talk."omg so cuteee!!" =D

2008-04-27T19:17:00.002+08:00

oooh wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf.
i really cant take it anymore.
i need an outlet to explode on.
urghhh.
my week's been terrible enough, there is seriously no fking need to make i a hundred times worse.
i want to come home to relax and take a breather.
not to have you screaming into my face for no freakin reason at all the second i step into the madhouse.
not to get myself interrupted in the midst of homeworking and mugging and pianoing and computering.
i know you like totally got dumped real bad by the guy you loved with all your heart and soul.
i know youre like totally depressed and lifes been superly duperly tough on you.
but hey.
thats your life.
not mine.
so leave me freakin alone.

GROW UP!AGAIN, IF NEED BE.

sometimes i wish you didnt exist.
really.
and i know i dont really mean it, but at times like now, i pray so hard for you to just poof for the few hours.
sometimes i just wish i didnt have to go home at all.

i need a break from everything.
school.tests.family.cousins.friends.church.
EVERYTHING.

i wish you were there.maybe you would have made everything better.if not for them at least for me.

please save this week for me.
im in desperate need of a good one.
or at least a normal one.
a week where everything goes smoothly.

cassie.

2008-04-20T21:39:00.002+08:00

i figured my blog was in need of an emergency revival.
according to RYANGOH,it took me uber long to find out.
i sort of agree.

this week has been strange.weird.retarded.tiring.pissifying.frustrating.angering.damn-ing.suck egg-ing.maybe its the whole council thing.i cant believe wanting to quit can be so freakin difficult.and imagine this: im not even officially in it yet.
i cant believe you even brought morals into the topic.what did it have anything to do with it anyway?what preferential treatment?
i suppose yeah,you guys are good,you guys are great, you guys are the best people on earth blablabla.but if i dont think im gonna be happy there, chances are i really wont.so please stop forcing me, and making my life miserable.and yours.seriously, its just wasting both our time.

then there's the whole tests thing.and i thought i was getting starting to get the hang of it?i dunno what has happened to my life.its been taken over by a hardcore muggerina.
i suppose this is where i start chanting, "no life no life no life.."

but i wont.
because He is fair.
He really is.
after a sucky sucky week, he makes this weekend so unforgettable.so cherished.and it was because of this sucky week, i was once again reaffirmed that there were so many people supporting me through.
dear, you could have just said you were busy.
you could have just turned away, put down the phone.
but you didnt.

the yc seniors retreat came at the right time.right where i needed it most, for alone time, quiet time (though the fact that homework kept popping up along the way was indeed irritating).
details should be up soon.when im free(which i wont be in a long time, heh) and when i feel like posting.
oh, we cam-whored alot.
i liked that.

emo cassie!i should not like cry too long if not my eyes will hurt and i cant see properly the next morning.=/

rockclimbing results out tomorrow!!fingers are crossed and ready to become a v-shape.

love,cassie.

2008-04-06T18:00:00.003+08:00

in case you were wondering, im not exactly the same person i was 2 years ago.
so you can just take that stupid apology, swallow it back in and shit it out.
need me to be clearer?
I.
DONT.
CARE.

seriously.
whats your problem?
there just isnt a me and you anymore.
two years ago, maybe yeah.
then you had to go do that.
and TWO WHOLE FREAKIN YEARS LATER you apologise.
well, thanks anyway.
but it isnt gonna work.

maybe its just your bad luck that i so happened to already be in a bad mood when you called.
maybe its me being anal.
but hey.
what goes around come around, right?
those were your very words after all.
its not as though im doing any procrastinating of any sort.

the only reason im posting this is cause i know youll read it.
so read it and weep.
youre the most desperate person ive seen in my life.

and you wished i still loved you?
HAHA.

2008-03-28T22:07:00.006+08:00

Down the Via Dolorosa
Down the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem that day
The soldiers tried to clear the narrow street
But the crowd pressed in to see
A Man condemned to die on Calvary

He was bleeding from a beating,
There were stripes upon His back
And He wore a crown of thorns upon His head
And He bore with every step
The scorn of those who cried out for His death

Down the Via Dolorosa
Called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King,
But He chose to walk that road out of
His love for you and me.
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.

Por la Via Dolorosa, triste dia en Jerusalem
Los saldados le abrian paso a Jesus
Mas la gente se acercabaPara ver al que llevaba aquella cruz

Por la Via Dolorosa, que es la via del dolor
Como oveja vino Cristo, Rey, Senor
Y fue El quien quiso ir por su amor por ti y por mi
Por la Via Dolorosa al Calvario y a morir

The blood that would cleanse the souls of all men
Made its way through the heart of Jerusalem.

Down the Via Dolorosa
Called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King
But He chose to walk that road out of
His love for you and me
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qduG5vlVRI

its the most BEAUTIFUL song ive heard in my life.
it just further proves His love for us.
how He died to save us.
how He suffered so we could go to heaven.

love,cassie

im so gonna get abs from rockclimbing!
better than fats, thats for sure!((:

oh, and did i mention that i have a NEW eyecandy?? xDD

2008-03-25T22:36:00.003+08:00

the walk was tiring.it really was.i knew it was gonna be tough.i just didnt know it was gonna be THAT tough.
decided to carry the cross all the way from Nativity to St. Anne's during the solitary part. as a personal offering. my back and legs were hurting, but He probably suffered greater than i did.no, i KNOW it was like 4000X worse.
carrying the crosses of others, i realised how others had greater burdens to bear than me.and how i should really start loving who i actually am.
and for the first time in my life, i took time to stop, and marvel at the beauties God has given us.we're always so caught up in our everyday thing, we fail to see the good He has always given us, yet complain when we fail to get one small, insignificant thing done.and i tell you, the stars were the prettiest that i've ever seen them. it must have been the company i was with that made it all the more sweeter.
friends ARE important.(:
when youre going to sleep, they can seriously wake you up. xD

after weeks of praying and confusion, He seems to have lead me the way. cassie seems to be going with the flow.shes starting to get the hang of things.i swear, He hasnt let me down.ever.it may have taken time, but i find that this trying period has helped me mature even more.its made me realise how precious time is,how i should really,horribly start practising good time management.(and i never actually realised how bad it was till now! =O)
so EVERYONE WATCH OUT, CAUSE CASSIE'S BACK IN ACTION!=D'

on the other hand, i totally screwed my pw draft 1 for both tasks.meixiu is gonna hamtam me..

updates are as follows:
-im starting to get the hang on chem!somewhat.
-math is getting better!
-cant say the same for bio though.
econs is getting tougher!
-im running for council. SURPRISE SURPRISE. big bunnies arent gonna be very happy..
-i have officially dumped my eyecandy.cause the more i look at him, the more he isnt cute.and there are WAYYY too many people knowing i likeD him and wayyyy to many people STILL liking him.the whole idea of having a eyecandy is to get one little or nobody likes so people can laugh at you and go,''WHAT?he's not even cute la, why you choose him?!?!?!''

"You are the Way, the Truth and the Light."
and i'll follow You to the very end.
keep me near You,always.

love,cassie-EX-mia,current bia!
=D

2008-03-15T23:10:00.003+08:00

i saw the prettiest dress while having dinner with my family today.
my dad went up to the lady and asked her where she got it.SO MALUU.><
and then she said my dress was nice too.
(which technically would be an appropriate response.as in,if i were in her shoes id say that too.xD)

homework load isnt getting any smaller.and there's only one day left to go!
pfft.

love,cassie

i guess all i can do now is wait
but how long?
and truth be told,
i dont know if im ready.
but then again,
i give that same answer everytime.
maybe its just cause im scared.
maybe im being a coward.
i guess im afraid that
what i see
wont be what i get
i guess im afraid
that i may end up hurt
i guess im afraid
that you arent really the one
i guess i will just have to wait a little longer

selfish me,
isnt it?
its always about me.
cassie
cassie
cassie
i know it.
but i just keep continuing like that

why?

2008-03-14T18:33:00.003+08:00

i feel grateful today.
i suppose its things ive seen,things ive heard and things ive felt.

once again,everything seems to revolve around me.and for the past few days, i guess i never stopped to try and realise this fact.
the entire week went by,with me going
'oh this person did this to ME,that person did that to ME.'

so i shall try to thank some people to end off this week proper.
people who knew i had a difficult week going for me.
people who have always been there.
(this feels abit like the winning an Oscar or Emmy xD)

MY PARENTS.
for knowing when to say yes and no.for letting me make my own decisions,for letting me go after what i wanted though it wasnt always the right thing to do.for being so understanding(and anal at times,but at least it taught me to control my temper) and so patient with me.
V,CE,RYAN.
for listening,for praying.for letting yourselves be where i dumped all my stupid emotions onto.for telling me it was gonna be okay,for supporting and encouraging me.for trying to cheer me up.
BECCA.
for filling me in on baltimore and kyoto.heh.
GABBY.
for being my ultimate math/econs tutor,personal assistant and face-pincher.(: for hanging out with me and being short so that i feel less inferior.hee. =p for over-exaggerating every single time.for not getting pissed even once.
ROY.
for knowing that something was wrong when i hadnt even said anything,and always being willing to offer virtual bunny hugs and consolation.
RYANGOH.
for being the perfect cousin.by sending your girlfriend to come to my home with a cheer up card.for calling me at 3am in the morning to ask if i were okay.for not getting pissed when i scolded you for something you didnt do.for listening to me cry.
DAWNKEY.
for talking to me on the phone.it helped me release alot of emotions and frustrations i had.
DORITOES,JESSICA,SERYANG
for being my awesome friends. ;)
GUOXIANG.
for being my eyecandy. =D

okay.so the last part wasnt necessary.but it was important cause it gave me a necessary rush of energy to focus on math lecture.(:

yay.
I LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS SO MUCH.even those i didnt mention.

today i realised how loved i was.how many people cared about me.how many people would be pained to see me hurt.how i was so important to them,just as they are to me.
it made me think: do i really deserve this?

lotsa lotsa hugs,kisses and love,
cassie.

2008-03-11T23:46:00.001+08:00

well,

thanks to someone ive finally figured out what being pissed till it cant get any worse than that is like.

screw you,asshole.
fucking leave me alone.

2008-01-24T20:56:00.001+08:00

8 points before minusing!

things couldnt get any awesome-r than this.((:

PRAISE THE LORD GOD!

thank you thank you thank you thank you!

love,cassie

2008-01-10T19:31:00.000+08:00

shots of sa.

og31,TIENNO!

and s13.((: school crest

multi coloured socks.(:
og31,rock on!tienno in the house!vivian cries.awwww..

and my phone,dead after only less than 48 hours of use(since my last charging).

stupid energy-sucking machine.

its evil and vile but i still love it.0.o

and then there's ihmyc boofday! of which only a few shots were captured.of me,becca and rene.(:

but nonetheless..

love,cassie!

2008-01-01T11:07:00.000+08:00

happy new year all.((:

love, cassie

2007-12-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

it just had to be on christmas.

somehow,we all knew it was coming.
somehow, it was just a matter of waiting for it to happen.

why wait,in that case?
why wait till an occasion to come about?
id rather you just go with it anyway.

you know it hurts so bad to see you two like this.
it hurts like nobody's business.
it hurts to see people i love hating each other back.

you guys say you understand.
suuure you do.
i personally doubt it.

every year its the same thing.
over and over.
its become a cycle, a tradition.
a commodity.

not that im not getting used to it.
i am.
but i start hating it more and more everytime.

the cold war is killing me.
whats up with you guys anyway?
the issue concerned doesnt even match up to 1 percent of what it feels like it is.

i think id rather have you guys screaming into each others face than to go through avoidance.

because that way i would at least know for sure.
dont leave me confused,not knowing.

yeah,im selfish.
i know.

in fact,
lets just screw christmas.
screw holidays.
screw our lives.

DAMNIT.

2007-12-11T11:05:00.000+08:00

POO.

i want to sleep.

bbq was AWESOMEEE.
thanks for coming.((:
cake is still in my fridge, waiting to be eaten.
daniel,amanda and alvina/alvinella got lost trying to find my home.
nina and bah got lost in bus 70.
nut had a small belated birthday surprise from me.
my parents think roy and jac are cool.
and roy and jac think my parents are cool.
we had alot of food left over.
fat cow had a bath!(or went swimming in the washing machine)
grace dear is still as sweet as ever!
i don't like auto relighting candles especially since i was the one trying to blow them out.
JEROME LEOW IS BLUR!
i forgot to give ivy her nougats.
everyone(most) got high on my mum's punch,which later became more and more alcoholic.
terence and xavier are still most probably bummed about my 1-2-3-4-5 riddle.

AND.
i love the fantastic presents!
CANON DIGITAL IXUS 860 come to MUA!

YC camp in 3 days.
EXCITINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
heh.
ice skating tomorrow.
ex.
bunny night either tomorrow or thursday evening.
CANT WAIT!

PEAW!

and i still want to sleep.

oh man.toothpicks where are you?
i need you to help hold up my eyelids.

love,cassie

2007-12-03T18:41:00.000+08:00

HELLO! MEET THE FLINTSTONES!

first we have fred and wilma.

then we have barney and betty. and next is bam bam and pebbles. then we got our caveman and cavewoman!

okay so they arent in flintstones.but LAUGH anyway.

i need to do more crazy stuff before i turn 16 in 5 days time!!!

love,cassie

2007-11-29T23:44:00.000+08:00

some updates.

prom.fun(: lotsa dancing cam-whoring and COLD! my fingers were practically dropping off.

su won ms tkgs!pretty la she.dont she look like a sex kitten? xD

off-roading trip.

mozzie bites.PLENTY of mozzies.HORRIBLE food.comfy bed.punctured tire.and i kena suan like nobody's business.i hate the weirdo time slots.i have to like,get up at freaking 3 in the morning just to drive there.

but the scenic drives are fantastic.and i had some geog recap.all the palm trees.and kernels.extensive system.large land needed.high capital.tropical climate.

the car became sooo dirty when we went to wash it the first car wash we approached didnt want to wash our car.

'uhh..my boss say your car too dirty he dont wanna wash.'

when we did find a one that unwillingly did,mummy and i kept making jokes about how there was so much tek tarik and teh susu pouring out from the bottom of the car.

the most interesting part of the trip was that my parents bought durians.we sort of left them outside the resort room cause we didnt want to stink up the place and went off roading.later we came back and saw monkeys sitting outside the porch opening the durians with their bare hands.some already had the durian flesh in their hands and were happily licking the meat off the seed.realising the owners of the durians had returned one monkey hurried to the bag,grabbed the two remaining unopened durians and started dragging them away toward the forest.

no more durians.

SEC 1 ORIENTATION CAMP!

okay basically my main motive of blogging is for camp but wahaha.

PEAW!GROUP FIVE!

hee.now that i have said that,my group was fantastic la.but i dont think i could have gone through another day with them.they are soo hyper,even my regular high cant keep up.i went back home and totally CRASHED.

BY RIGHT, i was supposed to be in camp only at 2pm,but since i came back from m'sia early it didnt do any harm to go there earlier too.((: im so nice right?

i was sorta expecting the kids to be alot more shy but turns out i was wrong!

they're an amazing batch,i think they've got lots of potential.

HEAR THAT P6-ERS?I THINK YOUVE GOT LOTS OF POTENTIAL SO DONT BURST MY BUBBLE!! xD

okay im done.(:

love,cassie

2007-11-16T18:53:00.001+08:00

i know the world is changing very quickly, and that we're living in a society which is more open about certain things,such as gay rights.
not that i'm biased or anything,but there is a limit for PDAs okay?
okay so we're supposed to acknowledge the fact that people who are not straight exist today and sometimes it isnt their fault.
but you cant stop me from staring if these two indian guys come into the mrt with hands interlinked and looks of (insert word) on their faces.the train sways and wala! one hugs on firmly yet gently to the other.
im sorry, but it just makes my hair stand whenever i see or think about it.
i tahan got extent one leh!

anyway,there was this other young boy who made me feel like a total LOSER.i thought solving the rubiks cube in 61 seconds was pretty good already.then this 6 yr old has to go burst my bubble by solving a 4x4 and 5x5.sheesh.talk about genius.
i think his mum must be so proud.
peifu.

love,cassie