it was the second stop for the snorkeling trip.i remember thinking to myself,him being so healthy,so active to be able to snorkel.

and then it happened.

someone was shouting for help.the boatman threw the orange life buoy in the water.his helper swam towards the voice and narrowly missed kicking me in the face by a centimetre.my mum was screaming for all of us to return to the boat.i remember the current being very strong.what usually took one kick to swim a distance now took four at twice the speed.i looked over to the person whom the boatman's helper was holding onto.


the old japanese man.unconscious.being hauled up onto the boat by his life jacket.OMG.

'daddy, i know cpr.' 'go do it!' 'huh, i cant!' 'do it NOW!!' 'what??'
i grab onto the ladder of the boat and pull myself up.
'mummy, daddy wants me to do cpr.' 'do you know how to do it?' 'uh yeah..but..' 'GO DO IT!'

i tear apart my lifejacket.i see the boatmen doing the same for the man.
'please please please' i think, 'someone else, know cpr.the boatmen.they should know.they're boat men.they HAVE to know.'

and the next thing i know, the boatman is shouting for people who know cpr to start doing it on him.and no one rushes forward.no one.
i inch my way towards him.
Step 1: shake the person to see if he's conscious.shout out in a loud voice.
Step 2: get everyone alert and call for help.
Step 3: check air passageways to ensure they arent blocked.
(fingers go in.to mouth.to nose.tongue is pushed to allow air in.)
Step 4:check for breathing.
(i hesitate.i look around. 'cassie wth do you think youre doing!' 'i..' i stare at his blue lips.i take a deep breath,tilt his head backwards,pinch his nose and blow in twice.and everything seems to fall in place after that.)
Step 5: check for heartbeat.if absent, begin cpr.
(by now,a korean man has come to help.he places his hands where i tell him to.i give him instructions,to follow my timing.to listen.and to be consistent.15 counts.and i blow twice.15 counts.and i blow twice.)
Step 6: check for heartbeat.continue cpr if no response until medical team arrives.

i do it for 15 minutes straight.then my dad takes over for another 5 minutes before the japanese man's son continues.
i tell myself not to lose it as everyone else who is applying cpr on him is doing it based on whatever instructions i give them.'dont screw up.not now.any other time,but not now.'

i manage to glance away for a split second.and there i see,his grandkids,crying.the most heart wrenching sight ever.there their grandfather, dying right before their very eyes,and there's nothing they can do about it.those innocent tears struggling to stay hidden but eventually still flow out.
and then we reach the jetty.the emergency medical team is on standby.they bring him to the hospital immediately.and i know he's a goner.

i could have saved him.but i didnt.what was i thinking??

fast forward to about 3 months later.a newspaper article on the home section page one.man saved by 3 people who knew cpr.

im really a loser.

10:14 PM ·