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CASSIE.
081291
IJoln
TKGS
SAJC
netballer
guidie
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IHMYC
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cassandra.kiara@gmail.com





Bituwin - template
Dementee - image

Sunday, October 26, 2008

what do i say?

absolutely fantastic.
spiritually revitalising.
completely completely out of this world.

i dont know how i can write about something, describe something,
that totally cannot be written down. something soo..
soo THERE in its own self, so existent so..WHOLE.

there's so many times i wondered why i became a Catholic.
and knowing that its because God loves,
just, well, ROCKS i guess. (:
the beautiful perichoretic dance just wont get off my head.
just as how He DIED, just so we could share these amazing steps, and dance in line together with him.
and what makes us soo deserving of that?
what makes us so special?
we're just sinful beings, no?

agape.

the marvellous 3-in-1.
i never made the connection.
why 31 was always my favourite number.
till now. because it just joined up everything that made me.created me.shaped me.
everything that was, and is, me.

the Holy Trinity. Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
Love comprising of eros, agape, philia.
the mandala.three circles combined to form one beautiful symbol.
acts of charity.caritas. sharing the fruits of the Spirit, through service, through acceptance.

doesnt help that coffee and tea is also three in one eh? (:
and my og.guess the number? (:

the stalk of wheat as the Catholic Church.
the stem as our faith.
the wheat grains as our community.
occasionally one or two fall away, but the rest still remain.thinly, yet strongly attached.
all of us can contribute to the bountiful harvest. but one alone does not much.we need to stand, strong, and let His love come through us and show everyone else how Great is our God.
the stem so fragile. so dry. so easy to bend and break under pressure. and that instant could mean the end.
we need to thicken the stem.make it stronger.more resilient.may we sway but never break.

as edwina recalled a story, it just seemed so.
surreal and amazing, how we humans can remain so blind and so deaf to God's message and his never-leaving protection. how his loving us keeps us so safe from harm, and we just keep pulling away from his embrace.
"if God had a smell, what would it be?"
who knew the longkang would play such an important role?



upon hearing the words
'semi-silent retreat'.
my mouth literally droppd open.
yeah sure, as if i was gonna keep quiet for THAT long, ha what a joke.

but those 3 days were absolutely indescribable.
i never took the time to listen, and when i finally did, i felt His presence.all around.
to be thinking with your heart and trying to hear it speak was no easy task, but when it did happen, it was unimaginable.
completely weird, strange, and nonconforming to today's society.HEH.
but still perfect.

moving back into the real world's gonna be so difficult now.

breathing in, i feel Your presence.
breathing out, you inhale my neagative thoughts, fears and insecurities.
i am ALIVE.
You are here.
in mind, spirit, soul, heart.
being in Your presence as i sleep,
and being in Your presence as i wake.
completely aware of what i'm sitting on,
pressing on.
You are here with me.

somehow, right now, it feels appropriate to end off with,
God love you all.
haha.

love, toothpick.

after so much, im not even done recounting 5% of the experience.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

17
i overdid it.
and caused them to go so bad they didnt want to move till four days later.
..................................

18
oh god,
he was late.
AGAIN.
i got fed too much i think, it was just.
food after food after food.but nice food.
ha.

she started to get sooo soo pissed.
................................

19
it was a perfect day.
there was the whole sneezing bit,
but i liked whacking it all out.
and YOU made it all worth it anyway.

and that maddahfarka.
had to come spoil it all.
with that whole big bouquet.
not like i needed it.
or the laughing, for any matter.
................................

20
there was genuine laughter.
and genuine smiles.
and i wonder if thats all it meant.
just, you know,
friends.

he just kept staring.
so intently.
and it wasnt just him.
but why???
...................................

21
dread dread dread.
i thought it was today.

she hates me i swear.
but thats fine, im not that fond of her anyway.
.................................

22
tiramisu.
it was TODAY.
not good man.

finally! something productive.
i guess it wasnt so wrong to begin with.
to fall in love with.
to just do it even though it is aching.
...............................

23
she was SOO SOO pissed.
and i was getting kinda frustrated myself.
not that anyone could blame her.
she was sick and we kept delaying.
tuo ah tuo ah tuo ah.
sighh.

sometimes it sucks being middle man.
and i do love all the action.
but its just wrong.
WRONG i tell you.
makes my hair stand, my heart warm, my face scrunch up in a tight smile, the vomit at my throat, and the shattering of the rest of me, all at the same time.

i miss jo.):



toothpick.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

dont think about promos, dont think about promos, dont think about promos.

CHINESE.
i am going to start working.
very hard.
after this im going to complete the essay i told lao shi i would try to do.
really.
she's so perfect.
CLIMBON!.
i am going to start training.
very hard.
after today im going to make sure my strength is back to batu caves standard.
or better!
and it's not that i dont like green.
PW.
i am going to finish my op.
and do a fantastic job.
and not let my mates down.
but sometimes, the eye itches for no reason..
I&R.
my second draft is coming.
wait and see.
what is WRONG with me???
one thing.
why does MS YE have to leave?!
to just let us further indulge and soak in all this emo-ness.while we wallow in self-pity at our current plight.how many times have we changed tutors already?


OHMYGOODNESSSSSSSSSSSSS.

michelle nicole melanie jolena ang xiao wen,
YOU,
are.
are..

UNBELIEVABLE!

i suppose i did okay too.
definitely better.
(((((((((((:


my lovely princess,
this post is dedicated to you haha!

QUEEN TOOTHPICK!
* i am having this tendency of addressing myself as queen too often. :P

Monday, October 13, 2008

when she came today,
i took a look at my month due report card for grade 6 practical.
and upon seeing the comments for my pieces,
i laughed.

piece B2:
though you played mostly fluently, the tempo was a tad slow and there were technical unease (HAHA YEAH I WAS DYING WITH THOSE PARTS MAN!) appearing in the R.H. parallel 3rd and 6th figures.
(i have no idea what that meant anyway.)

sight reading:
though a slowish tempo, the reading was commendably accurate in both pitches and rhythm.
(accurate my foot! i think he forgot that i went one octave higher.HA.)

i seem to be playing slow for everything.heh.
okay la, those were the funnier ones.

i dont know why people have to be so hypocritical.
because this isnt the first time it happened with another person.
dont just say that you believed in me just because i already did it.
it was in primary 6, and it HURT.
and now you trying to repeat history for me?
thanks, but no thanks.
i dont need false after-belief, just stick your very first view from the beginning bitch.

i had freakin cramps till 4pm today.which suddenly stopped during econs.
yeah.
today was..
a not so good day for me.

today, i so happened to turn to a page of the bible.
and right there, it said:
Look at me, O Lord my God, and answer me.
Restore my strength; don't let me die.
Don't let my enemies say, "We have defeated him."
Don't let them gloat over my downfall.
--Psalms 13:3-4

sometimes the tough comes along,
and people.,
DETRACTORS,
just keep wanting to pull you down.
but you just gotta be strong.
hold on.
because He will give you strength when you need it most,
warmth when you fear the most,
calm when you hate the most,
and, i like this one ((: ,
a fan when youre the most angry.

with Him around, you won't fall.
believe me.
this was for you.(:

toothpick

Saturday, October 11, 2008

i am SO sick of playing this stupid, mindless, childish game.

and you may even be a part of it all.

Friday, October 10, 2008

foober is my favourite.
but cheng cheng is around when i wanna cheng around most.
and foopick is adorable and holds dear memories cause it was the first name i ever gave.(:
all 3 are so lovely!

how could i have been so selfish.
when all you wanted was just one thing from the very start.


it was a good day.
im the class's mao mi.
haha xD.
okay and i feel kinda guilty just slacking around doing everything except pw while wl is there typing furiously away.
so when he started heart-ing, i didnt fee so bad afterthat. xDD
(since i was the one who asked to start OP today anyway.)

im sorry i havent been paying you any attention.
"pw.chinese.busy.competiton."
now i realise it was all bullshit to begin with.


theres finally yc tomorrow!
long long time
and sunday's gonna be out with the bunnies.
AWESOME.

because whatever happened, you were there as the glue.
while i just played around and didnt even bother,
and today when i found out about everything,
i realised what a BASTARD, ASSHOLE, BITCH, SELF-CENTRED IDIOT i was.


oh god im so sorry.
really sorry.
ultimately sorry.
sorry till i wanna wipe the entire backside of me.

i dont know how i ca pretend to type so normally, so happily when i feel so screwed up and guilty inside.
please dont stop loving me.


toothpick.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

this post is long overdue.

but.
can you imagine a world without RED?

no more love.
no more anger.
no more passion.
no more fiery-ness.
no more embarrassing moments.
no more blushing.
no more feeling hot.

no more rainbow.
no more roses.
no more daisies.
no more heart.
no more lips. (timo you are forbidden to laugh!)
no more sun.
no more fire.

no more orange.
no more brown.
no more pink.
no more purple.

no more red wallets.
red shoes.
red bedsheets.
red sofa.
red socks.
red specs.

no more chinese marriages.

no more santa claus.

no more singapore.

i love red.
and i guess it took just one thing to remind me why i did.

love, toothpick

Monday, October 06, 2008

TAG REPLIES!

for some reason, i cant reply to tags on cbox now, so i guess i'll do it here.

JOLENA! duck got alot of (ms) du. HAHA. maybe i'll enroll in anger management thingys. xD

JEROME! they're not going away!!! )):

JINGYAN! i am not 100% fully recovered man. i think my bran still got something wrong heh.

RYAN! damn big deal la, i also went before, you don't come and keh kiang.

HUIHUI! haha maybe next time i'll come prepared with a full body-suited armour that is permeable to water but able to defend hard knocks by stupid black s28 boys. xDDD

ABEL! hahaha i never knew he could be so romantic. xD

TIMO! only this time we play among ourselves! and by theway right, where's the bird you wanted to catchh? im still waiting by the bbq pit okay. many days alr, im starving to death.

SAM! eeeeeeeee so gross man. ><

Saturday, October 04, 2008

IF I GET ANY PIMPLES ITS ALL THAT ASSHOLE'S FAULT BECAUSE HE SPIT INTO THE FREAKING WATER!


water soccer is.
THE BOMB. *quote diana*
really.
well, maybe not the actual game itself,
but being there with your class to play.
and getting wet.
its like a mini swimming pool, only better cause its got squishy sides and two goal posts.
ahaha.
the handball at the end was BEST! but now that i think about it, handball you actually get to RUN with the ball. xDD

well, i had 2 presents to take home with me, not exactly pleasant but presents nonetheless.
a cut lip( which has DARNEDDDDDDDDD-edly become a HUGEEEEE LONGGGGGG ulcer spanding half the lower lift, as well as a scratch on the lower right eye.
you STUPID boy.
i dont like it,
when people get so engrossed in getting the ball into that empty guarded space.
when they forget the whole meaning of the game.
when they forget that a word called considerate exists. yeah, DOUBLE TRIPLE QUARDRUPLE emphasis on this!!
when they think that they are playing in a full sized soccer pitch and can whack the ball as hard as they want safely.
when they forget the meaning of fairplay and sportsmanship.
when they risk other people getting injured so as to enjoy the attention they would receive kicking the ball so hard.WOW, THATS JUAT AMAAAAZING. OMG SO STRONG! SO HOT! is that what you want us to say huh?
when they know that what they did is wrong, BUT STILL CONTINUE DOING IT SOME MORE!

i hated it.
it turned me off so bad, i just was absolutely positively FUMING.
and it wasnt just me either.

the seat thing in the bus was pure proof of his self-centredness.
you dont take a seat where people are already sitting if you come late.
i mean, they shouldnt be the ones squeezing for YOUR BLOODY IDIOTIC BUTT'S sake and have their bags and guitars STREWN with all your gross pespiration.and you chase them to the back of the bus where there's no more seats and make them sit at the bus door???
SUCK EGGS LA.








butt.. at least the captain's ball/handball made up for it.
its like, after 3 hours in hell, earth feels like heaven.
the (already gross because of SOMEONE'S SPIT!) water provided extra entertainment because 1. it meant less running around and 2. when people fell it went down with a big SPLOOOSSHHHHHH. totally awesome man.

and that yong pin right,
can you please wear tighter pants next time!
we dont want to see one LINE staring right into our faces can.
maybe next time you can bring a belt into the pool haha xDD

my lip hurts, and so does my eye.

i think i sort of got something on my wishlist.
i got a guitar.
OH WAH!
okay maybe not so.
haha. xD
its technically on loan to me till i get my own one.heh.
and i dunno what you would classify it under.
it looks smaller than the normal ones and lighter too.
and the sound stays on even for the lightest touch.
dont be so fussy toothpick at least you still have one

tonight the super trooper lights are gonna blind me...

toothpick.