what do i say?

absolutely fantastic.
spiritually revitalising.
completely completely out of this world.

i dont know how i can write about something, describe something,
that totally cannot be written down. something soo..
soo THERE in its own self, so existent so..WHOLE.

there's so many times i wondered why i became a Catholic.
and knowing that its because God loves,
just, well, ROCKS i guess. (:
the beautiful perichoretic dance just wont get off my head.
just as how He DIED, just so we could share these amazing steps, and dance in line together with him.
and what makes us soo deserving of that?
what makes us so special?
we're just sinful beings, no?

agape.

the marvellous 3-in-1.
i never made the connection.
why 31 was always my favourite number.
till now. because it just joined up everything that made me.created me.shaped me.
everything that was, and is, me.

the Holy Trinity. Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
Love comprising of eros, agape, philia.
the mandala.three circles combined to form one beautiful symbol.
acts of charity.caritas. sharing the fruits of the Spirit, through service, through acceptance.

doesnt help that coffee and tea is also three in one eh? (:
and my og.guess the number? (:

the stalk of wheat as the Catholic Church.
the stem as our faith.
the wheat grains as our community.
occasionally one or two fall away, but the rest still remain.thinly, yet strongly attached.
all of us can contribute to the bountiful harvest. but one alone does not much.we need to stand, strong, and let His love come through us and show everyone else how Great is our God.
the stem so fragile. so dry. so easy to bend and break under pressure. and that instant could mean the end.
we need to thicken the stem.make it stronger.more resilient.may we sway but never break.

as edwina recalled a story, it just seemed so.
surreal and amazing, how we humans can remain so blind and so deaf to God's message and his never-leaving protection. how his loving us keeps us so safe from harm, and we just keep pulling away from his embrace.
"if God had a smell, what would it be?"
who knew the longkang would play such an important role?



upon hearing the words
'semi-silent retreat'.
my mouth literally droppd open.
yeah sure, as if i was gonna keep quiet for THAT long, ha what a joke.

but those 3 days were absolutely indescribable.
i never took the time to listen, and when i finally did, i felt His presence.all around.
to be thinking with your heart and trying to hear it speak was no easy task, but when it did happen, it was unimaginable.
completely weird, strange, and nonconforming to today's society.HEH.
but still perfect.

moving back into the real world's gonna be so difficult now.

breathing in, i feel Your presence.
breathing out, you inhale my neagative thoughts, fears and insecurities.
i am ALIVE.
You are here.
in mind, spirit, soul, heart.
being in Your presence as i sleep,
and being in Your presence as i wake.
completely aware of what i'm sitting on,
pressing on.
You are here with me.

somehow, right now, it feels appropriate to end off with,
God love you all.
haha.

love, toothpick.

after so much, im not even done recounting 5% of the experience.

9:37 PM ·