maybe i really have known all along?
like, deep down, subconsciously hidden in some small part of the brain.
i knew.
but i just let it go on, merely for the fact that i wanted to keep playing, and didnt want it to stop.
maybe i did.
self-denial, perhaps?

sometimes i wonder if its got something to do with my inferiorities, my fears of history repeating, and my trying too hard to make sure it doesnt.
of making the same mistake.
and its SCARY sometimes,when messages seem to come in all directions in all means to tell you that it might be happening.
or when so many things of no relevance happen, and somehow totally interlink to form a long sentence with perfect meaning, and spot-on words that describe what im going through and what im gonna do.
IM SCARED.




i dont know why i keep feeling so tired,
and yet have insomnia.
that when i want to sleep,
i stay awake.
yet i cant leave my mind at peace enough to get in some slumber.

i dont know why i keep feeling so angry,
at everyone for no particular reason.
the bubbles are boiling and im popping it into the faces of everyone i care about.


i just dont want to talk, to study, to get out of my room.
i just wanna sleep,REALLY sleep, and get every single thing out of my system.

its getting tougher and tougher.
i just dont know whats causing it and why.

love,toothpick.

10:25 PM ·