Entry 200: what happens to the extent of questions that demand absolute answers?

through this whole long, tedious, energy-draining week, one word pulled me through.
AGAPE.
for no apparent reason at all, out of the blue, and completely not within context, this, WORD (i dont think it should be degraded to a mere word, its more like an emotion, a whole new inspirational being) kept filling me up.
how unselfish, how undeterred by societal views, how BIG, and how unconditional.
there isnt a way in which i see myself ever ever achieving that.
a love so non judgemental, unaccusing.loving, purely BECAUSE you love.


John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.


as much as people say, yes, im willing to die for you, how often do they truly understand the full weight of that? more often than not, how many DO say that in the first place.
without a doubt, i can say i love my friends. they are so important in so many ways. awesome support bases, people to go crazy and wacky with and study pals. but when asked for these major sacrifices, i may just get cold feet all over.


im very lucky.oh so lucky, that i have someone, some GREAT BEING, that LOVES me, so so so much more than a friend can.someone i can trust in completely, someone who will always be listening.fortunate enough, for me to take it all for granted every so often.
and so this week, when i thought about agape, it made me realise why i shouldnt dwell on things that meant so little in the great scheme of things.



having our last official training, didnt exactly produce an ending bang i was so desperate for to happen. ill save details for another post when i make a full dedication to these people who have been the core of my 2 years, but today made me realise how much sweat all of us have contributed, and as cliche as it sounds, to look how far we've come and achieved.and YOU guys know exactly what im talking about.though the school may go bitch and procrastinate, we KNOW.


this term has passed faster than ever, seeing what my family has come to saddens me, and watching my schoolwork deteriorate just the same doesnt make it any easier coming to terms with.sometimes i just dont know what they want, and now even what I want anymore, my life is becoming a playboard for others to throw a dice and move wherever they want.
but He'll help me through this.
1 Corinthians 13:12
Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
He has a plan for me.


this week has had its funny share of people.
MR TAN and his ultra super cute (and lousy) pronounciation:

• tam fries (time flies)
• mitsabeeshee cahs (mitsubishi cars)
• exorcist events (exhaustive events)
• sadistics (statistics)

and there's more.

this week has also had its moments of pure surprise, and pleasantness.
and i thank Him for that.for being with me every step of the way.
through the 10 ARDUOUS (seriously man) kilometres at changi point, and up two walls, never failing to provide me with energy and strength, confidence, determination and a thirst to prove myself.

my friends who have been my most ardent supporters through the whole messy parents issue, the endless competitions during the month, and study buddies. i see so much of God in all of you, and i thank you for that.

today hanz was having a heated discussion with moses about free will. and i was in the mrt, and i thought to myself, that i dont want to try and understand God, because knowing that He loves me unconditionally should be IS more than enough.

this concludes post 200 friends.
XOXOXO

11:27 PM ·